|| Elizabeth ||
"It's just a single date. You won't lose me if something goes wrong on a single date," he tells me, brushing his hair back.
"You don't know that," I wiggle the knob to open it.
Shawn grabs my free wrist, grasping my attention. "But I do," he says with such confidence and assurance that I actually kind of believe him.
All of the memories of people leaving me or forgetting about me flooded my brain and I began to explode, "How do you know, Shawn?! How do you know that you won't leave me like everyone else did?! How do you know?! Things change, Shawn! Feelings change and I don't want this" -I motion between the two of us- "to change."
He wraps his toned arms around my torso, easing me towards him, "This won't change. I won't let it."
"Just drop it, okay? You and me," I point at him than myself. "cannot happen."
"You know what, fine," He drops his arms, making me feel suddenly freezing, so I wrap my own arms around my waist as he hops off the porch and straight to his car. "I wasn't even planning on it! I just wanted to take you out on a single date! But no, you always have to be a drama queen and make a big deal out of everything! I'm done trying to understand!"
How dare he call me a drama queen! My mom left me, my dad died, my brother kicked me out of his house. He doesn't understand, and he never could, "Why bother trying if you never will!"
I'm afraid of losing him. Isn't that enough? Isn't that enough to make him want to stay? Everyone wants someone to be afraid of losing them. Everyone wants to know they will be missed if they were to leave. Shawn is my best friend-my only friend. And the fact that I'm losing him over the invitation on a stupid date angers me.
"You said you never wanted to lose our relationship, but guess what, Elizabeth! You just did!" He shouts back at me, tears spilling from the corners of my eyes as I watch him hop into his car.
I'm left on the front porch. His front porch. Crying my eyes out. I manage to sit on the steps and hug my legs up to my chest and continue to cry. Shawn was the one person I relied on. How could I do that. I really did make a big deal out of nothing.
"Elizabeth?" I hear a voice from behind me.
I whip my body around, making eye contact with Karen, "What happened?! Where's Shawn?! Are you okay?!"
"Shawn left. I'm fine," I say as I wipe my tears away.
"Come inside," she ushers me to the living room. "Talk to me."
I take one look in her eyes and I immediately feel like I could just tell her everything. "My mom left when I was young, she was pretty abusive towards my dad, my older brother, and me. My dad passed away almost a month and a half ago due to cancer. My brother... You know, Andrew? He kicked me out of the house."
"Oh my gosh, Elizabeth," she immediately engulfs me into one of the most comforting hugs I've ever felt. Like a mom hug.
I force tears to halt before they can fall. "It's okay to cry, Liz," she says reminding me of Shawn. Just Shawn.
The way he would look up at me as he played his guitar. The way his eyes would dance while he laughed at one of my stupid jokes. The way he would say my name or tell me I was beautiful. There was something in his voice that was different than other people. He had the ability to make me the happiest yet most sad person ever.
"And Shawn," I sob in her arms. "He was the one that was helping me through it, but it's so hard and my head just went crazy when he actually asked me out on a date. Like the only thing that was running through my head was him leaving me. He kissed me and for that brief moment I felt okay, but once I realized that what I was doing wasn't safe, I quickly pulled away and got in the car. I can't get attached to him. What if he leaves me. What if all of this leaves me and I'm alone?"
"Elizabeth," she whispers. "As Shawn's mom I won't ever let him leave you. I'm here for you always. Just think of me as your mom, okay? I'm here to listen and to talk to you. I'm not going anywhere. Now, can I be your best friend for a second?"
I nod with a slight chuckle.
She continues, pulling apart from the hug, "Oh my gosh! He kissed you and asked you out on a date?!"
I laugh at how much she reminds me of Alex at this precise moment. "I want to go on that date with him, I just fear that I may lose our relationship right now. I don't want anything worse to happen than what already has."
"Did you tell him that?" she questions.
I nod, "Yeah."
"What did he say?" she wonders, grabbing the glass of water from the coffee table and taking a sip.
I look down at my lap, "He said nothing would change."
"And you think it will," she says, waiting for me to agree.
I purse my lips together, "I know it will."
"But what's so wrong with changing? Don't you want to be a thing?" she asks, making me have to remind myself that she is Shawn's mother.
"I do want to have a thing with Shawn, but I don't want to lose him. You know? I'm scared that we'd be one of those couples that break up after a year and a half," I try to explain to her.
She nods, understanding my thinking, "I have one more question for you."
"Okay," I giggle.
"How do you feel when he holds your hand?" she peers right at me, making me forget how she's actually his mom.
"Safe-invinsible," I respond a little too quickly, making me blush in embarrassment.
I watch as a grin spreads on her face, "Good. Because my mother once told me' when you hold a man's hand and he makes you feel giddy and excited, walk away from this man. He is not the man for you. If you hold a man's hand and he makes you feel warm, safe and secure, hold onto him.' She said more, but that's really just the point."
"I..." I stutter just as the front door swings open.
Shawn walks in and he freezes, his eyes stuck on mine. They're bloodshot. "I'm gonna go make dinner," Karen stands from the couch, walking out of the living room.
"Are you... alright?" he asks after a few long seconds of an awkward silence filling our lungs.
I nod, not wanting to say anything in case that I might say the wrong thing and he'll leave me again. "I'm so sorry, Liz," he whispers. "I did the one thing I promised I wouldn't do."
"I'm sorry, too," I finally speak up. "I am still working on letting go of my past, and it all kind of built up, making me feel anxious and I lashed out on you. I'm just scared to lose you is all."
"You're not going to lose me," he takes his mother's previous seat on the couch beside me. "I will be right here. For as long as you need me."
I mentally pray that God will allow me to need him for eternity, "Thank you, and right back at you."
He pulls me into a hug and we stay in that position for a while longer. "Shawn?" I say, my eyes closed.
He hums, "yeah?"
"About the date..." I pull back from the hug. "What's the plan?"
