“I think I’m in love with Shawn.”
It’s devastating when she says it and she knows that she’s said it too early. She hasn’t given herself time to feel that it’s true yet and it feels like ripping out her own spine or something the way her entire body hollows. Lauren leans her forehead on the window, clutching her phone so tightly her fingers hurt.
On the other line, Megan is quiet for a beat longer than she needs to be.
“I mean, isn’t that a good thing...? Aren’t you two, like...”
“No.”
“Oh, I just kind of assumed. I mean, it always seemed....you know.”
Lauren sighs, turning so that she can lean her back against the window. It’s validating, in a way, that someone else is confused about her relationship. It makes her feel less like an idiot and more like maybe she can handle all this after all. “Don’t you think I would’ve told you?”
“I didn’t think you really needed to. So, you think you’re...”
“Yeah.”
“Well, isn’t that a good thing?” Megan repeats.
“I don’t know.”
It should be and Lauren knows that. Falling in love is wonderful; she’s been there before, but this time, it crept up on her. Feeling it all at once is terrifying, especially because Shawn doesn’t seem to feel much at all.
Megan waits, as if even from across the country she knows that Lauren has more to say.
“I guess it could be, if...if he felt the same.”
“So tell him.”
“It’s not that easy.”
Megan laughs a little and Lauren finds it in her to crack a smile.
“I didn’t say it was easy. The thing is, though, you’re not gonna know anything until you tell him.”
“I know.”
* * * * * *
"You're coming, right?" Shawn asks on the phone.
He sounds so earnest like this, like the middle of the night brings it out in him and makes him want for something for once in his life. Shawn's life has always been all about instant gratification; if it doesn’t come to him right away, it’s not for him. What a way to get by.
"Of course...for the hundreth time! It's your birthday, silly! And I still have to bring you your mug. And maybe your present. Maybe."
* * * * * *
As good as Shawn might be at partying, he’s learning very quickly that it doesn’t mean that he’s also going to be any good at hosting one. So, Lauren agrees to get there early and help him with the party supplies.
Shawn opens the door and Lauren laughs out loud before she can stop herself.
“Those are ridiculous,” she says, reaching up and plucking the blinking party hat off of Shawn’s head. He grins and before she knows it, Shawn’s arms are around her waist and she’s being spun around in a bear hug. The apprehension melts away and the restlessness means nothing when there’s nowhere to go; she’s back in Shawn’s arms where she belongs, and this time, instead of second-guessing it, she buries her face in her best friend’s neck and smiles.
* * * * * *
“Taste it.”
“Shawn.”
“Please taste it. I don’t wanna poison anyone!”
CITEȘTI
All My Sins (For You To Take)
Ficțiune adolescenți"The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that." –Woody Allen
