All My Sins (For You To Take)

Chapter 3

Megan’s voice is crackly and too soft so Lauren has to strain to hear her even in the quiet of her own apartment. 

“How was Shawn's birthday?”

It’s a loaded question especially considering the fact that she hasn’t gotten more than five hours of sleep in the last two days. Lauren's not sure she’s ready to talk about it yet; not sure she’s ready to think about it or even consider it because even letting herself think Shawn’s name is enough to overwhelm her with hurt. But she’ll try. For Megan’s sake...and for her own.

“I lost Shawn. I mean, like, he’s pissed at me.” Her backpedaling clearly makes the situation seem less urgent, but she doesn’t want to sound overdramatic about it so she doesn’t go back and correct herself.

Megan is silent for a moment. “Is it a valid thing or is he just being stupid?”

“He made a mistletoe joke and I kissed him and he flipped out about it.”

“Oh.”

More silence. Lauren picks at the groove in the wood under her hand which splinters uncomfortably under her nail. She tries not to remember too much about the night before. It’s no use, though; in the space between Megan’s words, she hears “you’re no different than anyone else” again and she crumples, dropping her head into the hand that’s not holding the phone and drawing a shuddery breath.

“Lauren?”

“I’m okay. I’m okay.”

“You don’t sound okay. You sure that’s all?”

“Yeah...we’ll get past it. It’ll be fine.”

* * * * * *

ryan012: you’re not making any sense.

ryan012: i think the important question here is, how drunk was she?

shawnsterr: she wasn’t

ryan012: i don’t know what you want me to tell you

shawnsterr: did she say anything to you?

ryan012: no

ryan012: i’m just as surprised as you are. but i promise i don’t think it’s as serious as you’re making it

shawnsterr: you weren’t there

ryan012: thank god for that

ryan012: just talk it out i’m sure it’ll be fine

shawnsterr: i know you don’t want to hear this cuz she's your sister and all but it was like

shawnsterr: it was a serious kiss

shawnsterr: like, it was definitely not some kind of accident

shawnsterr: because you can’t use tongue by accident

ryan012: gross stop i literally could have gone my whole life without reading that

shawnsterr: i’m just saying that i dont think talking is going to fix it

ryan012: no what you’re really saying is that you dont want to talk because you know you’re bad at it

shawnsterr: excuse you

shawnsterr: i am the smoothest of the smooth

ryan012: is that why Lauren’s been tweeting passive-aggresively heartbroken song lyrics all day?