Blue House | Tronnor

Chapter 4, Connor POV

I stared at myself in the mirror. My hair was quiffed neatly, my yellow t-shirt and my black skinny jeans were clean and crisp, and my green eyes stared at me. Just say it, I thought. "I... I'm... My name is Connor Franta and I'm.. I...." My words tripped on their way out of my mouth. I breathed deeply, closing my eyes. "I'm gay." My heart shook in my ribcage, and when I exhaled, my breath shook. "I'm gay... I'm gay? My name is Connor Franta and I'm gay," I whispered again, becoming slightly more sure of myself. I sighed and watched a tear slip down my cheek. I felt like a sandbag had been lifted off of my chest, and I could breath a little easier now. On sudden impulse, I grabbed my phone, speed dialed Hannah, and sat down shakily on the bed. She picked up on the second ring, opening the conversation with, "Connie! How are you?" I swallowed and braced myself. You can do it, I thought. "Hey Hannah. I--I need to tell you something..." I trailed off, fear gripping my intestines and knotting them up. "Okay, what is it?" she asked, her tone both concerned and curious. "Hannah, I... I'm... Do you wanna get coffee tomorrow?" I blurted. Stupid! Just TELL her! I groaned at myself. "Uhh, sure? Are you ok?" I nodded, then after realizing she couldn't see me, I responded, "Yeah, I'll tell you tomorrow. Meet at 1:00 in the Starbucks by Forever 21?" She quickly agreed, and I hung up and flopped back onto my bed. You have to tell her tomorrow. You've been in the closet--REALLY been in the closet-- for almost a year now! I scolded myself. I knew the voice in my head was right. I had to tell Hannah.

We met at Starbucks, just as we had planned, but I rapidly realized that I was far too restless to come out to Hannah in a Starbucks of all places. The caffeine didn't help either I assumed. "Let's walk," I suggested, and she agreed, lacing her arm through mine. We strolled through the LA streets, window shopping and chatting until we arrived at the beach. The air smelled of salt, and the waves crashed gently against the shore, washing away all traces of past  imprints on the sand. She plopped herself down on a bench, and I followed suit. I kicked my Nikes in the sand, and then looked her in the eyes and said, "Hannah." She blinked and said, "Connor." She looked a bit worried, and I was too. I bit my lip. Come on Con, you can do it. Just say it. "I'm gay," I said quietly. She looked at me with tears shining in her eyes and hugged me tighter than I would have thought possible for her small size. "Connie, I'm so, so, so proud of you," she whispered in my ear. I smiled a bit through my own film of tears and hugged her back, breathing in and out slowly. See? You're ok, I thought to myself. And I was. I was more than ok. We pulled away from each-other, and I saw that she looked a bit confused, and I nervously asked, "Wh-what's wrong?" She looked at me and smiled, then answered my question with a question of her own; "Why... why me?" I blinked and thought about that. "I'm not sure..." I said slowly. "You're obviously one of my very close friends, and you're gay as well so I knew you would be ok with me being gay. I said it for the first time yesterday in the mirror, and immediately after I called you, and I guess I just felt like I could trust you the most," I finished. She looked touched. "Honestly Con, I'm honored. I'm glad you feel safe with me," she smiled, and I returned the smile. We walked home slowly, but my feet were light and my steps happy. I hugged her goodbye back at Starbucks and drove home, my head buzzing.

*Ding!* I looked down at my phone, scanning the message I had just received. I grinned wider than the Cheshire cat, feeling more elated than ever. Zoe had created a youtuber group chat and was inviting us to her place in Brighton! I read over the message carefully, then checked who was invited.

To: Tyler Oakley, Joe Sugg, Caspar Lee, Troye Sivan, Alfie Deyes

Zoe: Hello loves! You are all invited to my place in Brighton, stay as long as you like, but the earliest you can come is December 14. We can celebrate Christmas and the New Year together!

Joe: Zoe why are you texting me I'm right next to you.

Zoe: Well maybe I'll just un-invite you!

Joe: You can't do that, now I know and I'll just come anyway!

Troye: I'd love to come! I can arrive December 15, and I'll celebrate Christmas for you Zo ;)

Zoe: Jewish people can celebrate Christmas.... Right? ;P

Alfie: Of course! I'll be there by the 14th.

Joe: Obviously I'm in.

Zoe: Joe you just told me that.

Joe: I know.

Tyler: I'll be there with sleigh bells on! I'll get there the 16, I have to film a collab on the 14 and edit the 15.

Caspar: I can't make it, I'm spending Christmas with my family this year. Sorry! I'll eat pizza for you guys D:

Me: I'll be there December 14 like Alfie, I have no plans! I can stay for a while as well.

Zoe: Lovely! I'm sorry Caspar, maybe next time. So excited, see you all then!

I grinned and shut my phone off. Two more months, and I would see them again. The warm fuzzy feeling that had taken over my body soon faded a bit, replaced with nerves,. There was still one thing I had to do. I set my camera up and adjusted my hair, butterflies in my stomach. My hand reached forward, pressed the record button and I started talking. "I kid you not, as soon as I turned on the camera, my heart just like immediately started beating really hard. But...." I sighed softly. "Ok." My voice shook, and I began my story.