11th Doctor Oneshots

Oneshot Two: Very Dark Thoughts(TRIGGER WARNING)

The night was peaceful and silent. A full moon shined bright on the TARDIS, where I was laying in my room. Crying, of course. I've asked the Doctor for some sound patting for when I played my instruments, but it also blocked out my sobbing. I cried for many reasons: my mom, dad, (F/N), brother... all people the Doctor could have saved instead of me. Why me? My brother was an infinitely better person than I ever could be. The Doctor made a mistake by grabbing me by my waist and dragging me to his police box instead of Jonah. The tears stained my pillow and tasted salty on my lips. My eyes were puffed and red, my bottom lip was bleeding from the many times I chewed on it. The long-sleeved pyjamas hid the old scars and new wounds I carved with a razor.  In short, I was broken.

Then, I heared the door squeak open and immediatly stopped crying. I peeked trough my eyelids an saw the Doctor's silhouette in the opening. "(Y/N), are you alright? I tought I heared you-" He turned on the lights and saw my red face and tearing eyes, "cry..." His eyes sought mine and when I finally looked into his, I broke down. He sat by me and wrapped his arms around me, burying my face softly in his chest. He went with his hand trough my (H/C) hair. His heartbeats were calming, but the only thing I could think about was how I hated myself. "Hush, it's alright, don't cry..." he whispered in my ear. I screamed in agony, grinding my teeth and biting my tongue until it started bleeding like my soul. The walls were coming towards me, voices of my once happy family members haunted me, I was being choked in my own past.

After crying in the Doctor's arms for a bit, I finaly calmed down. Now the shaking came in, after the sobbing, along with the fear. "D-D-Doctor, please don't go, don't leave me alone..." I whispered. "I will never leave you, (Y/N). Not in a hundred years." He pressed his lips against my forehead, humming a familiar song. Fantasia in F minor for four hands, by Schubert. I knew the song by heart. 

When I finally stopped shaking, he let me go for a brief moment and wiped my last tear away with his thumb. I felt a little ashamed, just crying without letting him know for what reason. "(Y/N), what's going on?" he asked whispering. His eyes were full of sorrow. "I just feel guilty for... still being alive. You should've saved Jonah, or mom, or dad! Not me. I'm not worth it." I looked at my lap, avoiding his gaze. "(Y/N), listen to me. You're worth it. I choose my companions with care." He pressed his fingers under my chin, so he made me look at him. "Did you know your brother was bullying someone? That's why I picked you, not him." Huh? So that's why he stayed so long at school... Could he really do such thing? "You were the only smart one who directly knew the Daleks were dangerous beings, and stayed out of their sight. Every planet we visited, you immediatly knew if something was wrong. You just have some kind of instinct for those things." For some reason, I was disappointed. Was that the only thing he saw in me? Some kind of detector? I let my head hang.

"But there's more than that. Ever since I saw you, I feel... different. You've touched me in a place I didn't know I had. You showed me there was something to live for." He turned me around so I'd face him. "And seeing you like this breaks my hearts. (Y/N)," His face came closer to mine, I could feel his breath against my lips, paralyzing me. 

"I love you." He closed the space between us and kissed me, at first very careful, but when he noticed I didn't froze, it became more passionate. He was my saviour, a life buoy. 

I needed him so badly.