Flustered, I sat at my desk, not daring to spare a glance at Zayn. I give him props though, he was smart enough to not say anything and left a few moments later- the only evidence of his presence where my wrinkled sheets and racing mind.
I couldn't believe what I had done, I still can't, but no matter how bad I feel, a part of me, the same irresponsible part that kissed Zayn, felt something I don't want to feel- something I shouldn't feel.
Anxiousness.
Confusion.
Exhilaration?
Somehow, it's as though I've become intoxicated with the idea of having done something spontaneous, something I'd never thought I'd dare to do. I've been thinking about it non stop; the adrenaline, the heat, the closeness, the touch. How Zayn smelt musky but clean, how his lips were dry but felt smooth against my own.
My heart thumps a little faster when I reminisce, tinting my cheeks rosy and leaving me self conscious that someone may pick up on what I'm thinking about.
I uncross my legs from under my desk at the library, checking the time on my laptop. It's getting late; I've been sat reading a book from one of my modules, and writing an essay for my Literature class, not paying any attention to the spaces emptying around me and that sunlight replaced by the dim orangey tones of the library bulbs.
Calling it a day, I pack my belongings into my bag and tiredly drag myself out of the library and to my dorm. Campus is almost deserted, and I'm practically the only person walking back to my dorm. From my new understanding of college life, they are all either sleeping, studying, partying or attending late lectures. I cross the central lawns, walking slowly, cherishing the silence. It's been ages since I've had some alone time.
Even the hall to my dorm is empty. The sound of my shoes echoing against the walls. I look down at them, a pair of flats I've had for years that have definitely seen better days. I sigh. I've got a lot of shopping to do, my first priority is to get myself a car though. I make a mental list of all the things I need. My eyes trace the cracks on the pavement, focusing on the different paths they all take. The sound of a door closing stirs my attention. I look up and vaguely make out a figure approaching.
As they get closer I can smell the stench of a cigarette, automatically stinging my senses. Zayn. I recognize his tall silhouette, and black leather jacket reflecting the light from the lamp post. Instantly my senses heighten, and my pulse quickens. The slightly cool breeze and the darkness feed my mind with images of our last meeting and traitorously offer images from my deepest imagination.
No.
I gnaw the inside of my cheek and keep my head down, refusing to acknowledge him, or the wild images my mind is conjuring. I'm counting my steps, but the sound of Zayn's shoes hitting the pavement couldn't possibly echo louder or be more of an indication that he's here; that we're alone. Yet, I'm adamant on ignoring him.
"Harper." I take in a sharp breath upon hearing my name, and almost stumble when I try to step and stop simultaneously. I want to continue walking, I should, but I stupidly stop and turn.
Zayn takes a long drag as he takes a few steps closer towards me, turning away from me as he blows it out, and then drops the cigarette butt to the ground not bothering to stamp it out. He just stares at me, hands shoved deep into his pockets, as his eyes roam from my tangled hair to my worn shoes. I don't miss however that his gaze happens to linger for a second longer on my lips, but then again that could be my imagination feeding my lies.
"It's Bre."I correct, maintaining my demeanor as I adjust my bag strap and raise my chin. My actions seem to amuse him as a small smile makes an appearance that he skillfully covers with a scoff.
"Whatever." He dismisses, but doesn't continue.
"Yes?" I nudge.
"There's a party at the Frat place Saturday night." My heart beats a little faster with his very bleak invitation, and I feel myself becoming jittery. I wasn't expecting this.
"You're asking me to go to a party?" I raise a brow and wait for a response, but when i don't get one I continue. "It's not really my scene, thanks though." I make to turn around, but stop when he mentions calmly;
"I thought it'd give you something new to write about," Zayn smirks, shrugging his shoulders and taking a small step backwards. "One night stand kind of scene."
My eyes narrow and my jaw tenses in anger at his audacity to continue poking fun at me, especially after what happened. Pursing my lips, my grip on my bag strap tightens, but instead of replying I turn around and walk away, wishing I hadn't stopped in the first place.
I pick up my pace, no longer paying attention to the cracks on the pavement. I reach my dorm a little out of breath. Alex is already inside, sitting cross legged on her bed chewing the end of her pencil. This is the first time she's actually been back before me.
She looks up at me when I opened the door. "Hey, you're back. What to you so long?" She shifts leaning up against the wall, pulling her book on top of her knees.
"Lost track of time in the Library." She nods, scrunching her nose in what I assume to be concentration. I turn to my bed and notice that the sheets I had flattened out this morning are all crinkled, as if someone had been lying on it. I would ask Alex if she had laid on it, but knowing her she'd tell me to lighten up and relax. I try to push the thought to the back of my mind, but Alex interrupts me.
"Oh, if you're wondering, Zayn was here a few minutes ago, and he made himself quite at home as you can see." she indicates towards my bed. "I tried fixing it for you, but I'm not good at that stuff."
"Um, ok?" I reply as I walk to the wardrobe for some pyjamas.
"Mhmmm. Hey, before I forget, there's another frat party Saturday night..." her voice trails off. I'm tempted to tell her I know, but I'd rather avoid the questioning that would surely come with that.
"And..." I've got my back to her as I change, but I can picture her rolling her eyes at me.
"And, I want you to come." She says it in a 'duh' kind of tone. I pull on my top before turning around to face her.
"Alex, you know I don't like parties. They're not my scene." I head o my bed and drop down. "And I barely know anyone."
Alex snaps her book shut and throws it onto the end of her bed. "C'mon Bre. You can't not like parties if you've never been, and you won't be alone, you know me, Josh, Levy and Zayn," My stomach jolts at the mention of his name and I find my hands unconsciously feeling the sheets beneath me. "C'mon, just live a little."
"I'll think about it." I won't really, I just said that to get her off my back.
"Do that." She lifts up her covers and gets beneath them. "Night."
"Yeah, night."
+++++
Bit of a filler but still an update!
STAI LEGGENDO
Start.
Fanfiction"Harper-" "It's Bre, Zayn. Bre." "Whatever." ~*~ She was a change he needed, but didn't want. He was a challenge she wanted, but didn't need.
