Stay with me

4

                  

Althea: I'm sorry love. di ko sinasadya. last na yun.

Jade: You said that the last time.

Althea: I heart you, love.

Jade: Jesus, Althea! I'm afraid I'm getting used to this.

Althea: What do you mean, love?

Jade: I'm getting used to being sick and tired of you and your womanizing and I'm being sick and tired of getting used to this. I don't know anymore!

My voice getting louder.

Althea: Ano daw, love?

Wow talaga! nagawa nya pang matawa. ang kapal talaga ng mukha! I couldn't stop my tears from falling.

Althea stood up and slowly walked towards me. She held my face with both hands and tucked my loose hair to the back of my ears. With her black beautiful orbs, she looked at me like I'm the only woman in the world for her. I felt my knees starting to weaken. Those eyes. Her scent. The smell of her breath. coffee and cigarettes. It makes my heart beats twice as fast. She moved her head closer to mine. I can't allow this to happen again.

Jade: shit naman, Althea!

I left her there and ran inside our bedroom. I sat on the edge of our bed, crying. I feel my heart being stabbed and broken into a million pieces. I can't take this anymore.

Kaya ko na ba? Am I ready to lose her? To not see her again? Thousand thoughts ran inside my head.

Papano bukas? San sya titira pag naghiwalay kami? Or should I be the one to leave? We bought this unit together. Our cars, bank accounts and properties. We have most of them on both of our names.

What if I see her with someone else? kaya ko ba? everyone knows I'm the "legal". What will happen next?

Do I really have to end this? Yes. The first several times that it happened, umasa ako na magbabago pa.

last na to.

last na talaga to.

It has always been like that. When she said sorry earlier, wala ng dating. It hurts me so much na niloloko nya ko. again. walang bago don.

but it hurts even more knowing na wala ng patutunguhan pa to. I have come to a realization.

This is the end.

Althea, my love, is not mine anymore. I think she never has been for a long time now.

I'm just too weak to face that.

After what seems like forever, she slowly opened the door to our bedroom.

I was sitting on a chair across the bed facing the mirror. She walked and stood behind me and placed her hand on my right shoulder.

With my head down, I gripped her hand. I fought myself from looking at her. This is it. No turning back now.

Please Lord, help me bear this.

My tears are continuously flowing.

Jade: Please remember...

na mahal na mahal kita.

wala akong ibang minahal at wala na siguro akong ibang mamahalin pa katulad ng pagmamahal ko sayo.