«Jumbled»

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« Jumbled »

Six days later...

Everything seemed back to normal.

And it wasn't the normal of hanging out with Barry and the others at S.T.A.R. Labs, of course that was still a thing, but the normal of feeing in control again—human again. A week after finding out her father was alive, a week after her father tried to use her to destroy Central City, and a week after her father's death—she didn't feel like anything had happen at all.

Her father's death didn't seem to bother like people kept assuming and asking if she was okay. She processed the thought that he wasn't really the father she grew up and the father she knew died in the train crash, so she didn't need to waste anymore time grieving on that. The therapist side of her brain knew that there was more to this "parent mysteriously alive and psychotic thing," but the Gwen part of her (which is the push problems to the side) knew that she wouldn't focus on any of those problems until it took over her life, and hopefully that wouldn't be anytime soon.

Her days started to consist of the same routine again. Her job at the hospital was hanging on a thin wire since she had so many miss days, but Dr. Wells encouraged her boss that she was working for him more privately. It took Sophia a few days to adjust to the life of always keeping everything a secret, especially to Elijah. Who was more angry with Gwen than ever due to her not answering his phone calls for last few days. It seemed that the more she pretended to be a normal girl the more things didn't come up that caused her harm.

The trips to S.T.A.R. Labs were at a minimal and although she missed everyone she couldn't allow herself get caught up with the Flash and wanting to save everyone. Also, it was because she didn't want to face Barry all the time and see his gorgeous eyes gaze at her with constant dreading and disappointment. She saw the hurt in his eyes and she knew that most of it was caused by her since she did run into Blaz's arms right after Barry risked his life to save her.

Her feelings about the whole Blaz and Barry thing was all jumbled in her head. She knew from the moment that she had met Barry she would one day be in his arms. She felt this sensation whenever she saw him, saw the way he looked at her, the way he spoke to her; he would use words that calmed her and didn't make her seem like she was a freak. The night that Barry had shown up to her apartment was the night she had been waiting for since day one. Even though he was some big hero she knew that she would never have to prove herself to him -- he would always be there for her, even if he ran across the world, he would always find his way to save her.

And he did, but then Blaz saved Gwen. It was a rush that she never experienced before. At first he was infuriating and scary, then when she saw the sincere look his eyes, the one that her brother would give her when she was scared. That was the look that made Gwen realize that Blaz was going to do whatever it took to make sure she would be okay. The way he kept his distance and how his eyes would stay lock onto her even if they were sitting on a park bench with the scene of 1997 behind them, he was always on top of keeping her safe, and in believing her.

Part of her could've kissed Blaz that day, because she knew that they had both had lived. The scar on Blaz's face was a reminder that he had fought some battles, but them still breathing after suffering under her father, that was the biggest reminder. When she saw Blaz above her, she knew that he was free; he wouldn't have to be saving anyone, he wouldn't have a shadow following behind him wherever he turned. She kissed him, maybe, because she needed the feel of his lips upon hers to actually feel that they were both alive.

Now, she was caught in-between too many emotions, but the most important feeling that she knew was okay to have -- the one that made her safe.

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