The Deciding Games

Chapter 4

The next few days pass uneventfully. Hours grew, days flew past and then a sudden realization- TDG is tomorrow. Lying in bed, I begin to worry. Am I good enough? Am I strong enough? What will happen? I ask myself these question over and over in my head. An answer never comes for any of them. I turned over in my bed and fell asleep, worries still on my mind.

                I dream of The Deciding Games. It was a cold, hard rain that filled the night sky, blurring my vision. I stood in the middle of a street, charcoal black from the rain. There was fear pinching my chest. Of what, I didn’t know. So I stood there, unable to move, anticipating anything.

                Out of the corner of my eye I see the shadow of a person blur past me. Trying to find whatever it was, I turn around, following the white blur with my eyes. I lock eyes with the man, who was stopped now, watching me. Looking around, I see there are at least 6 others surrounding me. No escape. All the men are holding something pressed against their body, but the rain blocks it out. Run, I try to tell myself, but I can’t. I feel unable to move. One of the cloaked men slowly raises their mysterious object and points it at me. A gun, I realize too late.

                Suddenly I jolt awake, up right in bed. I look around at the window across from my bed and see it’s still dark. I see a jacket on the floor and the plain white walls. All the familiar surroundings calm me. “Nightmare.” I tell myself. And before 5 minutes pass I fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.

                I wake up to sunlight seeping through the broken blinds on my window. I roll over, willing myself to go back to sleep. My eyes shoot open as I realize what today is; The Deciding Games, how it slipped my mind, I will never know. The beginning of my new life starts today.

                After putting on jeans and a black tank top, I pull my morning hair into a messy bun. I take some cereal off the counter and sit down at our wooden table. I try not to think of the home I will be leaving, or the things in TDG or anything that will make me sad or afraid. The small square kitchen is too quiet, making me feel a dull ache in my chest.

No matter how much I try to not think of anything, it comes back. So I let it come and surround me. My 10 year old self, crying on my bed. Someone had pushed me down into the mud, ruining my only pair of jeans at the time.

Ella came into the room and calmed me down. She asked me what happened, so I told her. “What did you do after?” She had asked.

I looked up at her with my bright blue, tear stained eyes and said, “I punched him the face.”

Ella then did something I hadn’t expected, she laughed. The laughter filled the room and I couldn’t help but join in too.

The memory faded away and I could feel the smile on my face.

                I hear a nose sniffle behind my back, I turn around to find Ella standing like she just lost someone she loved. But I guess she almost is; me. Her eyes are red and puffy, just like mine were on the day I punched that kid in the face. I look closer and see there is a stray tear tracing the lines of the left side of her face. 

I stood up from my chair, concerned. We had grown apart over the years but I still cared about her. I closed the distance between us and hugged her. In her scruffy pink robe you couldn’t see how small she was, but now hugging her I felt her ribs poking through.

With her head over my shoulder I hear her mumble, “Camie, my little girl, please stay safe! Keep your secrets safe and only trust one person!” Ella pushed me at arm’s length away and looked me in the eye.

“”Only one?” Doesn’t she know I can’t just talk to one person? That’s definitely not possible for me.

“Trust one person with all your secrets, but pick them carefully! Ok?” I nodded my head slowly, she sounded crazy. “Be safe Camie.” She said as she turned to walk away. Before she was too far away, I grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her into a hug. I don’t know what came over me, maybe it was the nerves, but I needed the comfort of my mother’s arms. I pulled away and grabbing my jacket, walked out of my apartment.

Mixed emotions bubbled into my mind. Confusion- why would she do that? Also… love. I felt tears come to my eyes, but stopped them before they dropped. How would it look to show up with red and puffy eyes at TDG? Not good, I’m sure.

I walked out the door, trying to feel nothing as I left. No memories= No pain… right? Well that’s what I will tell myself. I have so many memories with Ella in this apartment, but I don’t think of any of them in order to follow my own rule. I can’t help but feel a pinch of sadness while walking down the hallway towards the hole.

                Reaching the hole, I jump down, coming face to face with Ty. I take a deep breath in order not to scream in surprise, but I can’t help it if my eyes get bigger. He smiles at my surprise but after knowing him for so long I can see the sadness that he was trying to hide so hard behind his blue eyes.

                I stand next to him and try to wrap my arm around his shoulders for comfort but he was too tall so my arm was awkwardly halfway there. He laughed at my effort and, after pulling my arm down, wrapped his arm around my shoulders. That’s how we walk to The Deciding Games, a comfortable silence hanging in the air around us.