First Faith

Chapter 27: Lightness

"In spite of the pain, Eustace's first feeling was one of relief. There was nothing to be afraid of any more. He was a terror himself now and nothing in the world but a knight (and not all of those) would dare to attack him. He could get even with Caspian and Edmund now....

But the moment he thought this he realised that he didn't want to. He wanted to be friends. He wanted to get back among humans and talk and laugh and share things. He realised that he was a monster cut off from the whole human race. An appalling loneliness came over him. He began to see the others had not really been fiends at all. He began to wonder if he himself had always been such a nice person as he had always supposed."

- C.S. Lewis, Voyage of the Dawn Treader

Chapter 27: Lightness

Over the next few hours, it felt like a weight was lifting from my chest. At the same time, it was one of the most painful conversations I had ever had. Not only was it just the general type of conversation I don't like- one about feelings, but a long one. And yet neither of those things seemed to bother me enough to stop because the pain was not unbearable. It was like the pain of something that would soon go away.

Like a dagger being pulled from a wound.

"Your parents suck." Roric stated once, causing me to continue to rant about my anger towards my mother particularly before cutting me off with a question, "Were their parents similar?"

I thought back on my grandparents, "Yes."

"Then you shouldn't blame them. Because they were most likely kids who didn't feel as loved and had the same kind of life."

"They could have changed how they acted." I retorted.

Roric gave me a small smile, "The thing is, people have a hard time changing. You've been closed off to people your entire life because they never tried to open you up. Without Dawn, you still would be, wouldn't you?"

"I guess." I was less annoyed at saying he was right as I was at the beginning of this conversation. So far, he was correct every time, leaving my pride to suffer. Which he said was a good thing so I wouldn't feel superior to others.

He really seemed to think he knew everything for someone who didn't want me to think myself superior.

"And how do you feel about Dawn?" Roric asked.

I opened my mouth, blanking. We'd been going over negative emotions the past few hours, and now he wanted me to talk about her?

Roric smiled at me, "She's really nice, you know. Seems a little shy when she meets new people, but she ran up to me asking for help because she wanted you to have someone who could talk to you."

Dawn? Shy? I thought, disagreeing, "Yeah. She's great."

Roric laughed.

"What?" I asked defensively.

"Say how you feel." He pushed me, "Come on. You love her."

"I do, but that doesn't mean I have to tell you." I felt my face warm and ignored it.

Roric grinned.

"Fine, I love her. She's more than I could ever ask for and never gives up on me, even though I'm an absolute jerk for the majority of the time I've known her."