Treat you better

4. Now I'm Insecure

WARNING THIS CHAPTER IMPLIES GRAPHIC SITUATIONS

Treat you better

4. Now I'm Insecure

Dean

It was Thursday.

It's been a week and a half since Dean left Cas outside his house.

A week and a half when Dean finally destroyed himself.

He was at the back of the school, breathing in the smoke.

His body felt lighter after a few hits, lighter than he's felt in a long time. He chuckled out of nowhere, the other people laughing with him.

His eyes were red and he smiled hazily. "Best I've ever felt in a long time," He laughed.

"Finally decided to take a howl at the moon, Winchester?"

Dean nodded, swaying slightly, "Yup. Fuck everyone else." He gave Crowley a thumbs up, his blunt resting in his hand.

And then it was slapped to the ground.

Dean frowned and stared at it, a pout resting on his face. Dean looked to see who the culprit was and smiled. "Ex-friend is here!" Dean whooped and a kid came up to Dean, both of them slinging their arms around each other. "This guy?" The guy, Adam, breathed and Dean nodded.

"Yup. Hand me that." The other guy handed Dean a beer and he downed half of it before Castiel took it away. Dean frowned, getting a bit angry. "Quit it, go back to Josh."

Cas angrily ripped Adam off of Dean, dragging him away. "What are you doing? I don't see you in class and I come out here to find that you've skipped class to get stoned and drunk?!" Dean thought for a second before nodding.

"Generally, yeah."

Cas pursed his lips before sighing and rubbing his temples. "Just tell me," he went silent.

"Tell me why you've done this to yourself."

Dean cocked his head, grabbing the beer back and finishing it off. "Isn't it obvious?" He laughed humorlessly. Cas looked up, looking at Dean. "No, it isn't."

"Because of you."

Cas took a step back, appalled at the the thought. "What? B-Because of me?" Dean nodded.

"You see, I was one of the people who got friendzoned so it was killing me." Cas frowned.

"And it got worse, seeing you do cutest things and me unable to hold you and call me mine. Or when someone flirted with you. I couldn't kiss you to make them back off. And then you kinda...distanced yourself from me. And I was already a piece of shit. See?"

Dean yanked his sleeved up, showing the old and new scars adorning his wrists. Cas' eyes widened and filled with unshed tears. "Dean..."

"And then all that shit happened with my Dad—six months ago." Cas flinched at the tone Dean used.

"After that, I got worse and worse. Sam started to ignore me, you started to ignore me, people looked at me funny, and I just...I dunno, there was a weight on my chest. It's unmovable and it's very heavy. I don't know why, because I have a good life compared to others. But...but it's there...crushing me slowly..."

Dean looked up, his eyes full of anger and betrayal.

"You made me like this."

Cas looked down in shame.

"And then I rebuilt myself, only to have the people closest to me chip it and break it back down to nothing. And Josh was a big part of it. Like, I just hate that son of a bitch for getting you because whenever I tried, you shot me down."

Cas looked at Dean. "What?"

"On Christmas. On Easter. Last May, September. New Year's Eve. Six months ago."

Cas winced and felt his cheek wet.

"And I tell myself I'm fine, but I'm not fine. I'm done, I'm destroyed. All from a few people. I'm so ungrateful, so worthless for being like this. People have it worse than me, and here I am complaining and saying I'm broken when in reality, people somewhere are more than broken."

Dean was looking away now, his eyes watering.

"Dean...why didn't you ever tell me?" Anger seeped into Cas' voice. Dean glared at Cas, his lip curling. "You're exactly like Josh, maybe that's why you guys are together." Cas flinched, knowing it was an insult. Dean rubbed his face. "I'm sorry..." He whispered. He wiped his face.

"I gotta go."

• • •

Dean managed to evade Cas and was walking down the streets, looking down.

He was suddenly pulled into an alleyway, up against a wall. Josh stood in front of him, a smirk on his lips.

"I've been wanting to do this for a long time."

A fist hit Deans jaw and then cheekbone. Then his eyes and eyebrow, followed by his temple. He groaned and was kneed in the gut, making him double over. Josh pulled his hair so Dean's face was up and looking at Josh.

"You deserved those and the rest."

Josh let go of his hair and Dean hung his head, letting himself get hit and kicked and kneed.

Because, he did deserve it.

The pain stopped and Dean was dragged deeper into the alley. Darkness enveloped them and Dean groaned, trying to fight back a bit. Josh elbowed him in the cheek. "Stop struggling," He hissed, the rustling of something sounding in Deans ears.

Dean began to struggle more, his breathing quickening. "Stop it, stop it, get off me!" He shouted, managing a blow on Josh's face and stomach. He groaned and Dean tried to escape. Josh gripped his arm and turned him against the brick wall, his face scratching against it roughly and making him cry out.

Dean kicked out a leg, catching Josh in the knee. His head was tugged back, Josh's mouth beside his ear. "You deserve this pain. You deserve everything wrong in your life. Now make yourself useful for once in your petty little life and quit struggling."

• • •

Dean stayed where Josh dumped him. Blood was all over his body—all his own.

He took in a shallow breath, his lungs burning. His right eye was swollen shut and his body ached painfully.

Dean's clothes were ripped and his face was beat and scratched up. He shakily reached for his phone before realizing he broke it.

He was helpless.

A single tear slid down his face, the pain making him want to go to sleep.

"I'm sorry..."

•••

HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTT

A SINGLE MAN TEAR ;-;

This is so sad, Dean bby, nuu

And fucking Josh!

Comment on how you feel about this chapter, I have mixed emotions.