[ eleven ]

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Tour so far has been repetitive. Same shit, different city. There's the long travel, then the show, then the drugs & alcohol. Wash, rinse, repeat. Not to mention Jaxon and I's sense of time has been out of sync. When I'm awake, he's asleep or in the studio.

I never brought up the first night to Nate and I never will. I'd either come off as a nosey person or a jealous girlfriend-type and I'd rather not.

Now we're in Manhattan for two days. Today, it's just for ourselves. It's just me & the boys including some of the tour crew that travels behind us in the Sprinter van. We took on the city streets one store at a time. Nate was doing the most shopping for clothes while I decided to splurge at Lush. Bath bombs are my life.

We eventually decided to grab a bite to eat at a nice affordable Latin restaurant & we were joined by Hayes who happened to be in town doing interviews for his first movie.

"What the fuck- how the fuck do you even announce half this shit," Rupp spoke a little too loudly, trying to read the menu. Apparently he was too high to even attempt to read spanish.

"Rope Vee-ay-juh?" Swazz joined in on the unamusing fun. I've heard him repeat spanish correctly before. He was with a Venezuelan girl 2 cities back.

"I just want some chicken yo," Rupp uttered. "Y'all just got chicken and french fries?"

"Yes sir," the waitress nodded. I felt like she was cringing as much as I was.

"En-sa-lay-duh day tuna," Swazz went on.

"Rope vieja and ensalada de tuna," I told him correctly.

"Whatever the fuck," Rupp laughed.

Everyone including Nate laughed but I was one less amused. Everything was bothering me at once and I suddenly just got up and left the table...and the restaurant. Once I got further down the sidewalk, I heard Nate call my name. I didn't bother turn around, I just waved my hand, signaling him to leave me alone.

30 minutes later, I found myself at The Highline just in time to watch the beginning of the sunset.

30 minutes later, I found myself at The Highline just in time to watch the beginning of the sunset

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I took several snapchats of this. The last time I was in New York, I didn't get to explore the city too much, so this was a reward in itself. And I felt at peace. All the other people also enjoying the Highline were keeping to themselves in a peaceful manner.

I sat on one of the benches just staring at the sky the entire time with my headphones on, listening to classical music. I wondered about everything beyond what meets the human eye and I felt so small yet so much bigger than myself. It was a spiritual moment.

Once the sky went from pink to purple, I noticed someone walking toward me out the corner of my eye. Of course it was Nate. He stood next to the bench and handed me a tiny daisy.

"I'm sorry," he said after I turned off my music.

I gestured for him to sit down next to me.

"Rupp gets a little outta hand sometimes," he added.

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