Like Gold // Nate Maloley

[ fourteen ]

Hey babe, sorry I didn't answer your call, I was celebrating with Kalin. Call me back, love you.

*

Where you at? I know you fly out tomorrow for Europe. I'm gettin' worried. Call me back asap.

*

-sigh- I think I know why you're not writing back or calling back. I, uh...I fucked up. I'm sorry. Please call me so we can talk about this, Lux. I love you so much and I know that you probably hate me but...please don't hate me. She was just a random, I don't even know her name and I was drunk outta my mind. That doesn't make it okay, I know. But...please call me baby. I love you.

. .

I deleted all of his voicemails and ignored all incoming texts from him. As I sat in solitude in the airport with my hoodie & headphones on, I just wanted to focus on the rest of the tour. I was immensely pissed off and didn't really want to be bothered. Jaxon even had the audacity to message Nate and ask if I was okay. Not even Nate could persuade me to answer the phone, not that he would try anyway.

All the guys, including Tez who was joining us for the international leg, were seated on the other end of the aisle and I sat closest to the window where I could view all the passing planes. Eventually Nate walked by and offered me the other half of his sandwich, but I wasn't hungry. If anything, I was numb. I was in a state of mind that I didn't like and part of me wanted to drop everything and hide away until I figured shit out.

But I couldn't leave Nate and I certainly wasn't about to dip out on the chance of a lifetime to see parts of Europe.

There was my cell, sitting idle on my lap.

Fuck it, I told myself. I dialed Jaxon's number and tried to contain myself. The last thing I wanted was to make a scene in a public place.

When he answered, he had a bit of hesitation, as if he knew I could quite possibly unleash emotional hell on him.

"Let me explain," he began.

"There's nothing to explain," I replied quietly. Adrenaline was pulsing at the speed of light through my veins and it took so much strength to keep it bottled up.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry you kissed her or sorry you got caught?"

"I'm sorry I kissed her, Lux. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry you're hurting, I'm hurting too. I wish I could see you right now and just hold you and promise you everything is gonna be okay, baby. I need you to believe me."

The back of my hand found my trembling lips. I was angry as hell but at the same time I was full of guilt. It could have easily been me that ended up on someone's snapchat, flirting with Nate. I was no better than Jaxon was. And honestly I didn't know if I wanted Jaxon and I to be fixed. Clearly my heart didn't know which direction to go. I love two different men in two different ways and it sucked. If only Elijah were here to knock some sense into me.

"I have to go, J," I told him. "I can't do this right now."

"...When you say you can't do this right now, what exactly are you referring to?"

"If you have to ask," I paused. "Then you already know."

"Nah," I heard him sniffle. "If this is what I think it is, we're not doin' that. Not now and not over the phone. You're gonna go to Europe, sleep on it multiple times, then when you get back, we're gonna talk it through. Okay? I'm not givin' up on us & neither are you."