HOW IT CHANGED US

CHAPTER THREE

6 months later

It's 12 am and I'm lying on my bed unable to sleep. I'm thinking of him. Of my best friend, and how fast it all happened. It feels like just yesterday I hated him, like he was the most useless person on the planet, and don't get me wrong, sometimes he is still that same most useless person on the planet, like the times he gets scared of letting me in too close and he leaves without another word, leaves for weeks without a single message or phone call, he just disappears out of my life, then comes back with even more passion towards our friendship than before. I don't worry that I'm going to lose him, we know each other too well for that to happen, and we know that together we become better. My day is always better with him, and that terrifies me. Not of him leaving, but letting him become too close to me. I don't want him to be another of those lost friends. I've never let someone know me this much before and I know that he could break me in any second by just leaving forever next time.

With feeling myself getting more upset the more I think about it, I stop myself, but the feeling's still there and I'm not going to get any sleep if I keep thinking. I grab out my phone and text the most recent number in my phone.

I can't sleep :(
-Cassie

Not expecting a reply I try to get back to sleep, I never expect a reply, just for some reason texting him and telling him what's on my mind, frees my thoughts and lets me sleep.

See what I mean! It's not healthy! It's not healthy to be this close to someone, expecially someone who has changed you to the point that everything you used to hate about them has become the very qualities you love about them!

Just as I'm drifting off to sleep my phone goes off.

A smile comes to my face as I see one message from him.

I was asleep! What's wrong? It's too late to be awake
-Dexter

That's my favourite part about him, he doesn't sympathise to the point that you start feeling weird, he always brings me to a smile, just because of his bluntness. I used to hate it, but now, it's probably my favourite feature in people. I admire the fact that people can be so blunt, and so real to the point that they really don't care about what people think or say.

Don't worry, I was just stating that I can't sleep. You can go back to sleep, I'll talk to you tomorrow
-Cassie

That's what I did, I just stated things to him, and he knew that, but he also knew me well enough to know what was going on in my mind at that current moment, and that even though I was alright, he wanted to make sure I was absolutely fine, with his bluntness, and his "I really don't give a shit" tone of voice, it gave me comfort, something I knew would never change; he was a good friend to have, even if all my friends hated him, they didn't know him like I did. His teasing attitude along with his bluntness but a slight mixture of sweetness and a sense of protection over me, it was a good combination, and it made him pretty close to perfect, but in an imperfect way.

*buzz* *buzz* *buzz*

What the fuck is that buzzing? It's going to wake my parents at 12am on a school night.

After realising what is buzzing I look down at my phone and see the name Dexter BE ALARMED! RESPOND WITH CAUTION was calling. Yes I kept the same contact name; it fit us well and I liked teasing him about having a warning on my phone when he was calling.

I hesitate for a second wondering if I should pick up. It's 12am, what if I wake my parents, but remembering I had a door to outside I quickly answered the phone.

"yes?" I answered the phone

"what is wrong? Why can't you sleep? It's 12am in the middle of the night and I was asleep perfectly well before you texted me-" Dexter replied, well didn't really reply as he cut me off just as I was about to speak. You could tell I'd woken him up by his grumpy tone along with his raspy voice. I tried not to melt at that voice, and that he called me just because I couldn't sleep.

"I couldn't sleep, so I messaged you. I wasn't even expecting you to reply, I just needed to get the fact that I couldn't sleep out of my head. It just kept repeating itself over and over again. Don't stress, go back to sleep, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight Dexter." I wait for him to say goodnight before hanging up, I don't want him to think I'm brushing him off, but he's silent. He's thinking, but why, I just said I wasn't messaging him for any purpose at all, just a statement I didn't expect him to reply to.

He's calmer now, like I said something to calm him down. "How am I supposed to fall asleep knowing your awake and not sleeping? Hmmm..."

Why wouldn't he be able to fall asleep? It doesn't affect him. He'll probably just talk about how silly I was to not go to sleep until 12am that is why I'll be tired tomorrow. I don't get it.

"Why wouldn't you be able to fall asleep? I told you that I'm fine, just go back to sleep, so you're not grumpy in the morning." I reply, wondering why his voice sounds a bit nervous.

"I can't fall asleep knowing you're still awake thinking about something. What are you thinking about Cassandra?" He's voice is soft, and a little nervous. It makes me a little nervous. Dexter doesn't get nervous. Not before a race, not before getting surgery after breaking yet another bone. Not about anything, so for him to be nervous is weird, weird and unsettling.

"Dexter, I'm fine, just thinking, not about anything in particular" complete lie. "just about stuff, like school, family, friends etc" Total lie. I'm thinking about you Dexter. I'm thinking about how far away you live. How I have these feelings towards you that I've never had with anyone else, I don't know whether it's just because I've never had such a close friend and this is just what a best friend feels like, or if it's just me thinking about what we would be like if we lived closer, or that what I am feeling is something that you only feel with someone you really like. I don't know, and that's what keeps me up at night. You.

"Cassandra? Cass? Cassie? You there? What the hell! Why have you stopped talking?! I didn't call you just for you to sit there on the other end of the phone 350km away from me-" Wait! What?! I'm shocked. How the hell does he know how many kilometres away we live apart? Does this mean he thinks about me too? Does it worry him as well? Does he wonder? I'm too shocked, I don't know what is going through his head this time. "-Just to sit there in silence." Dexter finishes as I tune back in.

"Sorry Dexter, I zoned out, I guess I am started to fall asleep. Thank you. I should probably let you fall asleep too, you and I both have a long day at school tomorrow. Goodnight Dexter. Don't let the bed bugs bite."

"Okay fine. I'm glad you could fall asleep now. Goodnight Cassandra, sweet dreams." He always thinks of something cuter to say, well actually I claim that as mine as I said it first, over time he just stole it and claimed it as his own, bloody frustrating, but adorable. Another thing I loved about him, always made me feel comfortable, not too cheesy with my nice goodnight messages, and not unloved; but also very confused, confused with him, and also confused with us.

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I didn't fall asleep that night. 

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