When Stars Align (Shiro x Reader)[Voltron - Legendary Defender]

XIX.

"Lyda?" Shiro moves towards you, shouting to be heard over the music.

"Don't touch me!" You scream, backing away. Your heart is racing, adrenaline surging through your bloodstream. Your hands feel like they're on fire. You need to get out of here.

You run past Shiro, dodging his outstretched hand and racing through the door. He looks shocked, confused, worried--but you don't have time to stop and explain. You need to get away.

"Lyda!" You hear him calling, running after you. You know he's probably freaking out, not sure where the rest of the paladins are, not sure what happened to you. You feel tears stinging your eyes and brush them away as you run. You don't have time to explain.

"Stay away from me!" Your voice is ragged, raw. But he keeps running after you. He doesn't understand.

The streets are dark and empty. You're grateful for this. You need to find plants--trees, flowers, even just grass. You need to find something alive that isn't a person. Shops blur as you race past them, not sure what direction you're heading in. Didn't you see flowers on your walk to the party? There has to be a field or a forest or something outside of town. It hurts to breathe, but you keep running. And Shiro keeps following.

By the time you reach the outskirts of town you're a mess. Your forearms are burning like you've stuck them in a flame, your breathing is heavy and hitched, and your hair is tangled into snarls around your blotchy, tear-stained face. You choke out a sob as you spot what looks like a park, with a small pavilion surrounded by a neatly manicured garden of unfamiliar plants. You collapse among stalks and leaves and petals, uprooting fistfuls of flowers.

Shiro catches up to you quickly, but he falls silent as he watches you. You close your eyes and keep your head down, not wanting to see--but you can feel the stalks in your fingers withering and dying, just like the flower from earlier this morning. You should have known one plant wouldn't be enough, that you couldn't suppress this for long. Haggar's voice rings in your head, "You can't fight this, star-girl."

You don't speak, and neither does Shiro. The only sound comes from the rustling of the plants and your breathing. As the heat drains from your fingers, your heartbeat slows. After a minute, you drop the withered flowers and reach up to wipe away your tears.

When you open your eyes, there's a four foot radius of dead plants surrounding you. Your breath hitches in your throat as you survey the damage; did you really do this?

"Lyda..." Shiro's voice reminds you that you're not alone, and suddenly you're terrified to turn around. You don't want to see his face. You don't want to see him looking horrified, or disgusted, or angry. "What's going on?" He asks, and you want to cry again, because how are you supposed to explain this?

Silence stretches between you. Finally, you whisper, "Haggar did things to me, too."

When you turn around, Shiro is staring at you with a mixture of pity and horror. "What...when? Why didn't you tell me about this? What did she do?"

You stay sitting, letting your head drop so that your hair hangs in curtains around your face and you don't have to meet his gaze. "When they first took me," you begin to explain, voice still barely a whisper, "When they realized what I could do. She...broke something. Reversed something. She twisted my healing, made it...opposite."

"What do you mean?"

"I..." your voice breaks, "I don't know how to explain it. I'm still a healer, I still heal, I still..." your voice trails off, but when you glance up at Shiro you can see that he understands what you're trying to say. You're still good. Right?

"But the pain," you continue, "It doesn't just go away. It's energy. All of it is energy but negative, backwards, I don't know. It builds, and it hurts, and I have to get rid of it. I have to...poison...a living host. I...I don't know how to make it stop." You can hear Haggar's voice, see your mother's crushed hands--so broken that they can never heal again. "I'm toxic," You tell him. You don't know what else to say.

And then you feel an arm fall around your shoulders. Shiro's sitting down next to you on wilted flowers, pulling you to him. You lean into his arms.

"Remember what you told me?" He asks, "When they took my arm?" You nod.

"You're still you," His voice is compassionate, "You're still good. Whatever they did to you...it doesn't change that." You bite your lip, trying to hold back tears, but they come anyway. Shiro rubs your back while you cry, whispering, "It's okay, Lyda, it's okay."

But it's not okay. If he knew the whole story, he wouldn't be sitting here, telling you it's okay. He would say that you're a monster. He would run away. He would leave, and he would be right to leave. It stings as he whispers, "Lyda," because you know that's who you are now. Shiro can still be Shiro, even with his arm, but you will never be able to go back to who you were before the Galra took you. Until you die, you will be Lyda.

***

As you walk back up to the building with the party, you whisper, "Don't tell the others. Please." Shiro nods, then pushes open the door.

It almost feels like something is physically hitting you, like a wall of sound slams into you as you move back into the party. Earlier, it was fun, but now...you're exhausted. You just want to go back to the ship. And you can tell Shiro is remembering to be angry, now that you've calmed down.

You spot the other paladins sitting on some couches, interspersed with a few of the aliens from earlier. As you walk towards them, Hunk stands up and grins, exclaiming, "Lyda's back!" You smile shakily at him.

"Lyda, I have your helmet!" He says, handing it to you.

"Thanks, Hunk." You mumble, embarrassed that you left it here in your haste to get away. He can't hear you over the music, but he just keeps smiling and sits down.

"You brought Shiro!" Lance yells, turning away from the four-armed alien he was just talking with. He, too, has a goofy grin on his face. You wonder how much more they've had to drink.

"No," Shiro yells to be heard over the music, but still manages to sound stern, "I came to find you. We're leaving. Now."

"Aw, come on!" Lance whines, "This is awesome! Here, try this!" He offers his cup to Shiro, which is once again full of the clear drink.

"What--have you been drinking?" Shiro shouts, grabbing the cup from Lance. He takes two steps to the side, throwing the liquid down a trash chute on an adjacent wall.

"Hey!" Lance complains, but Shiro silences him with a glare.

"All of you. Up. Now. We're leaving." This time, nobody argues with him.