Sincerely, Red

Chapter Three

Dear Liv,

I've been thinking of the past a lot lately.

I remember once when we were little, we went down to the lake outside my dad's house. The grownups were holding this pathetic excuse for a barbecue and they told us to "play". I think they just wanted us to get out of the way so they could crack open the beer and drown themselves in alcohol.

I remember telling you that I never wanted to drink that stuff and you asked why. I told you that my mum was something called an alcoholic and because of the disease, she sometimes got angry and didn't know what she was doing. I told you that she really hurt me sometimes and you said you'd help me through it. You said that you wouldn't forget that moment, because it was "a milestone in our friendship".

It kind of sucks now because you don't really remember anything anymore. You know, sometimes I wonder if our friendship will still stay intact without that "milestone", that moment of truth. Of course, for that to happen, we'd have to actually cross paths.

It's really awful of me, but sometimes I find myself really hating the new you. I wish you remembered. God, I really wish you remembered because I need your help so much right now, even if it's really selfish of me.

The thing is though, I can't come and take that help because certain things have to be dealt with alone, and you've got enough on your plate. Besides, it would be weird of me to barge into your house and demand to speak to you, because you simply wouldn't remember.

Can you imagine it?

I've tried a couple of times and it usually ends up with me ringing your doorbell and asking if I can speak to you. Your mum would answer it and she'd give me a look of pity, because it hurts when someone you care about doesn't remember you. I wonder if she feels the same way.

Then, you'd end up asking who I was and I'd tell you my real name and it would be okay for a little while. Then, I'd say that I was 'Red'. You'd slap me in the face for sending you creepy letters and I'd run away like a coward. I seem to be doing that a lot lately.

Anyway, I just figured I'd give you a memory to hang on to, even if you can't really picture it.

I hope the actual memories come back soon, but at the same time I don't.

There are lots of secrets that nobody wants you to know, even the people who care about you. Take your mum and dad for instance. They told you something a long time ago and you literally bawled your eyes out on Laney's stupid pony cushion all night.

I don't know how you're going to deal with it this time around, if you're going to deal with it at all actually.

I don't know why I'm telling you this, because it's just going to hurt. A part of me even wants to hurt you for something that's completely out of your control.

I'm sorry I'm so selfish. I can't help it.

Maybe the monsters inside my head will go away someday. Maybe there's an escape somewhere out there, or maybe I just need to set myself free in my own way.

Speaking of being set free, there's a cafe down the road called just that. I think I'm going to head on over there and figure some stuff out.

Stay safe, Liv and I'm sorry for all of this.

Sincerely, Red

I folded the letter into half again and again, until the piece of paper was a tiny square. Then, I pushed it into the fairy piggy bank on my bedside table, which was too pink and pretty to hold such dark and unwanted secrets.