angel eyes ; lunfkrz/leafycynical

four | coming down

i found god
i found him in a lover
when his hair falls in his face,
hands so cold, they shake

*cough*spiritualniall *cough*

calvin quietly let out a heave of breath, leaning against the impala. he'd been waiting for niall to arrive; and it had been a while. ugh, what even took the boy so long to wake the fuck up? it was already 11, for fuck's sake.
rolling his immortal eyes, he slips through the door of the motel to find the boy, cuddled into something, a shirt, perhaps, that wasn't his. he realized that niall's entire face was buried into the shirt, like he couldn't live without the scent of it.
"uh, what the hell, niall?"

"go away." the boy mumbled sadly, pressing his face into the shirt.
"that was austin's, wasn't it?"
"yes."

"look, i'm-"
niall sits up, grimacing, his eyes swollen and red from crying the previous night. his head throbbed in pain from the loud, ugly sobs he emitted.
"sorry..? sorry doesn't exactly cut it in this case, calvin.."

"i know, but he seemed like such a waste of time to you.. a weight to drag. i just wanted a way closer to you, niall."

"you killed my brother."

calvin didn't seem to understand, simply shrugging. "i don't know what brother means to you, but the word brother to me means someone that weighs you down. stops you from doing good things, great things."

"you want to know what brother means to me, calvin? it means someone who watches over you, who cared about you and for you from the very beginning. the one who's saved your ass so many times, saved your life as a child. someone who used to let you cuddle into their side, even if it was every night until you started high school. someone who comforted you when you had to move place-to-place. someone who's back you had, and someone who had yours. someone who'd give everything for you just to let you live, even if it was without them."

"i.. i get the whole 'trust, protect' schtick, but austin holding you every night isn't such a brotherly thing. you were what, fourteen?"

"didn't matter. you get so used to his smell, the feel of his touch, no matter where it was or how it felt. how strong, how comforting his arms were around you, whether it was holding you or just hugging you. austin.. he meant the world to me. he was all i had left, the only person i loved that was still alive."
niall holds his head in his hands, staring at the ground. fat tears welled up in his eyes, some spilling quicker than others.

"and you took him from me."

calvin remained silent, respectfully looking around, kicking his feet, playing with his hands, trying to find something to say before it hit him.
"you were in love with him."

".. of course i was. sure, it's 'fucking gross', sure, it's a 'disgrace', and sure, it's disgusting. that's why i never talked about it with anyone. no one ever realized, but austin did. the night before we came for you, we were in this fight. about how he wouldn't sleep around anymore, about how we'd always be together, but he didn't want that. he wanted other things, he wanted to live the remaining year you snatched from him, calvin. he didn't deserve it. he didn't kill you, so why would you kill him?.." the tall boy is wracked with sons and hiccups, breathy and a mess.

"because, niall. i watched over you for years, hell, i've known of you ever since you were eleven. cute little kid, turned adorable teenaged boy, turned beautiful, strong, brave man. just like he always wanted to be. but you never wanted to hunt until your dad went missing, that's what fucked you up the most."

niall glares right at calvin, face flushed a dark and angry red. "just leave me alone, calvin. i don't need this. don't need your pathetic excuse you call company. you killed my brother and i will never have him back, you hear me? this is all of your fucking fault!"

"niall, please-"
before calvin realized it, he was shoved up against the wall by the collar of his shirt, eyes widening at his realization of how strong the shy, gay boy actually was.
the angel groans angrily before the smaller boy yanks him forwardand presses a fluttery, light kiss across the other's lips.