Dying Flowers

Red Ribbon

yes im a muslim.
yes i wear the hijab.
yes im working on my masters at uitm.
yes i pray 5 times a day.
yes im gay.

im 20 this year. and its my 2nd year of my loving crush towards this girl in class
she has long raven black hair with brown eyes, luscious lips and an hourglass body.
Jodie.
its been weeks since i talked to her on a chatting website.
' Farid! i just got backk '
yes i disguised myself as a dude.
' hey there Jodie ;) '
' you know what Farid, i think we should meet! '
shit!
' what? are u ready jodes? im sure im not your type. '
dammit! as much as i love her, as much as my undying crush towards her never fades away even just a bit day by day. i dont want to be left alone. i dont want to be broken hearted. again.
no
not this time
im gonna tell her
im gonna show her
that i love her
no matter if im gay or not!
' what? ur silly! ill accept you no matter what
after all, only your personality matters.
and i fell in love with you so what makes u think that?'
a gleam of hope shimmers within me. i guess i should really show her then. show her my feelings.
no matter what.
' cool! um so ill see you in the shopping mall nearby, ill be wearing a red shirt '
' cool! ill wear the red ribbon chocker u gave me! '
' perfect! :) '
*next day*
i wore my red top with a black tudung, white palazzo pants and my usual black sandals. i look nice today, darker than usual. my desire inside me was shimmering, waiting to see her. my heart pounded like the sound of the beat in an edm song. i was so nervous.
my heart stopped when i saw her walking towards me as she walked through the doors.
i swear to god she was gorgeous.
' hey jodes! '
' ..... eh siti! hi... um u ade nampak this guy tak? dia pakai baju merah mcm u la! '
' jodie.... im Farid '
she went silent. i didnt dare to look in her eyes. i confessed to her with all my heart until my tears started to shed uncontrollably. she just stood there. stunned.
' siti... lets talk about this okay, i ... im not gay... im straight... and the fact that u tricked me- '
of course. i was expecting it. my heart shattered. in fact my ears blocked out all of the words she was saying cause i couldnt take it.
' jodie. lets talk at my place please i need to tell u something too but not here. '
she hesitated but agreed cause i was crying.
she went to my place and sat on the couch. i sat with her.
and kissed her.
while pulling the red ribbon chocker tighter.
and tighter.
and tighter.
she struggled for a bit but then her body was still and i couldnt feel her breath between our lips anymore.
i pulled her away with a smile and saw a red, almost blue , mark on her pearly white flesh of a neck.
' now nobody cant have you jodie '
'nobody can'
i kissed her again with a smile.