Dying Flowers

Mirror

reading poems and drinking water.
ive been doing this for 18 years.
i live in the suburbs.
where nobody or anybody can visit me.
i live alone.

i am also mute.

i am a mute person but i want to write poems for living.
i work as a waitress at the nearby diner.
the only family i have is grandma Nuren
she lives in Singapore and she always sends me letters.
but her letters will always be about the warnings of my health condition.
one day,
i was cleaning the attic and went through some things that were left untouched by the old owner.
but then,
i found a mirror.
its old and dusty.
but at the same time it looks new and its still clean. its dusty at the sides. its as if the mirror is ancient and has been sitting there for more than 10 years. suddenly,
i see a person waving. from the other side.
wait what, am i dreaming?
a boy, with brown hair, black eyes and small lips.
this is a bad idea.
but why not
i went near the mirror and said hello in sign language
*you are mute too?*
he asked using his hands.
i was shocked and mesmerised. he can speak my very own special medical language. ive never been so happy.
i thought im always the different one.
*yes*
*whats your name miss?*
*Fathi*
seconds became to minutes and minutes became to hours. i was talking to this person whos on the other side of the dimension but love has no boundaries right?
whats his name tho?
*Auzmi*
*:)*
without me realising, it was already two minutes till midnight. i talked to him from this morning till now. Ive never been in such a long conversation before. in fact, its been years since i actually chatted with anybody.
its a nice feeling.
and..  hes... different. well, thats funny. cause we speak the same language, the same condition, but
hes different.
*I'll meet you tomorrow then*
*okay*
*byee*
i waved bye and went downstairs
what a good day :)
but i guess it went too good cause
my grandma Nuren sent me a letter.
Dammit.
it was a warning letter.
of course.
i was speechless when i read it.
its another condition.
it stated that
on my 18th birthday.
ill forget everything.
its like amnesia but
I wont be able to cure.
its unavoidable
why.
i went upstairs.
my heart pounding, face burning, eyes tearing.
and went to him.
called him out.
and told him everything.
*but why*
*i dont know*
i replied with shaky hands.
*dont worry Fathi, ill take care of you and i wont ever leave you*
i wiped my tears of sadness and hugged the mirror.
i could almost feel his embrace, even if its just a mirror.
Hours became to minutes and minutes became to seconds.
tomorrow,
19th of April 2016,
i have one more day with Auzmi.
i want to spend the whole day with him today.
i bought food and drinks and bought some tv dinner for me and bought a brand new dvd player for me and him to watch movies together.
*I need to tell you something*
*what? *
i asked with a worried expression.
*Im leaving*
my heart.
my eyes.
my mouth hanging open.
my body shaking.
my heart.
shattered.
*what?*
*I have to go
im sorry Fathi*
I cried and cried and cried and cried.
i swear i cried for almost hours.
those days being completely alone.
working as a waitress.
alone and mute, reading poems and drinking water.
is that my life?
why cant my life be happy?
without another word, i stood up and smashed the mirror into a million shards.
i pulled my hair and tried to scream, but no voice would come out.
i screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed.
i could feel that i am losing myself.
i feel crazy.
my memory is still fresh.
wait what? why?
i am losing myself too much.
i lost it.
that night i slept with those million shards.
i stayed with them every day
as the clock struck twelve, i didnt lose my memory but i only lost my sanity.
last time i remembered, i was in a stray jacket with grandma Nuren setting up the shards of the mirror's glass on the edge of the bed in a big bowl.
and she said
' Im sorry Fathi,
i lied to you '
without another word.
i stood up.
.........
the last time i remembered was
grandma Nuren's face, in agony
as she saw
my face covered in blood
in a pile of shards
of the mirror's glass.