Lost in Nowhere

A million little pieces

His name ringed in my ears. It sounded to me like a happy tune. My train of thought whistled cheerfully when I reached the idea of him being my rescue from misery. But I shouldn't be so naive to think that a random boy I just met on the bus would change my life. It was nice to have this sparkle of hope but its shining was only for a few seconds. Still hoping to run into him again sometime I got home quickly and hurried to my room. I was now in my safety zone. I would now go to "my world". I had created this other self -online-.. I was an attractive blond girl who had this amazing lifestyle of always travelling abroad and had many many friends. Unlike my actual life. In the real life I had tons of insecurities. More than my friends multiplied by 10. I hate everything on me. Body,face..litteraly everything. I lock myself in the house everyday so people don't have to face me. And my only comfort is this self that everyone wants to talk to. That is so interesting.. I turned off the computer and lied on my bed. I let my thoughts create a beautifully complicated universe in my mind and travelled in there..

[...]

I woke up about 4 hours later. It was 2 after midnight. Why couldn't I sleep? I'm usually in a pretty deep sleep around this hour every night. I got up to take a hot bath. It would help me relax. I left the water flowing to fill the bathtab and then turned on the music.

I then sinked into the water. When I ran out of breath I got my head out of the water. I liked to stay underwater until my breath is giving up on me,till I hear my heart beat in my ears. It is like you're close to death but you still live. Don't try it though it's a bad idea if anything goes wrong. I also did it because it might help me improve in my diving skills.

Anyway. I was about to get out of the bathtab when I heard a noise. It sounded like something inside the house crashed. Like something fell and smashed against the floor. I got scared so I grabbed whatever I could find that could be used as a weapon and approached the point where the sound was probably coming from. I entered the room slowly and always prepared for the worst. To my relief it was only a cat that had got into the house from the door I had left open. I closed the door and went back to my room. I was still not feeling like I could fall asleep.

I opened the closet to find what I was going to wear tommorow. For my bad luck the closet had a mirror. No it didn't fell and broke.. I wish it would. I was staring at myself as if I've seen a ghost. In this point let me describe myself to you. Of course from my point of view.

I'm not tall at all. I'm short. I lack in weight. A lot. I'm skinny as hell. You could easily call me 'alive bones'. I have long brown hair that have blue endings. Always tied in a ponytail. My face doesn't have anything special. Not any special color of eyes. Not green. Not even blue. And always having those black circles underneath. My nose kind of round. My head shaped like a cube. My lips the only thing that didn't bother me. But I was angry at the whole package. In a moment of pure madness I punched the mirror and it broke to a million little pieces. Leading my hand and other body parts to bleed and me losing conciense...

So this is the end of this part. Hope you enjoyed, If you liked it vote or if you didn't comment what part didn't you like,what I should change e.t.c. Also you can comment what you would like to happen in the next part! I will take every comment into consideration.

xoxo,the writer:)