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June 25, 1961 // 1:04 am
{ Soundtrack; Someone Saved My Life Tonight - Elton John }
As we neared his house he turned his star-speckled face to me; lips parted and eyes fixated. "Me folks aren't home."
"Oh, okay," I breathed, dreading the worst. The very thing Jean was talking about is going to happen to me, and I didn't know what to do. Perhaps I suddenly preferred the disappointment of an empty bed. Perhaps my heart and soul were never meant to unite. Perhaps I was not ready for love.
"Don't worry, love. I only have good intentions tonight."
The east end lights lit up this very muggy night. I didn't know what to expect when I walked through his small, typical Liverpudlian house. When we entered I noticed the curtains were drawn in a little room downstairs. We then walked upstairs to his room.
"What do you like? Little Richard, Chuck Berry, Elvis?" He asked me as he lift the needle of the record rather precisely.
"Whichever. It doesn't matter, really." He then sat next to me, a smirk threatened to stretch at his lips. He leaned back onto the wall next to his bed and took out a dusty book.
"Your eyes have a sense of fragility to them. Like a deep ocean with waves breaking at a rocky shore," he informed me without moving his eyes from the book.
"But... you're not even looking at me." Just then the record turned on and I let out a sigh of relief. His every syllable flirted and I felt unsure. I needed closure for my indescribable feelings for him.
~
Earth angel, earth angel,
will you be mine?
~
"Seems like the more you try to hide feelings for someone, the harder you fall in love with that person," he said and before I knew it his lips were on mine. I had sat down next to him on his neatly-made bed and he had unexpectedly closed the gap between us.
It had suddenly reminded me of my first kiss. Before then, I had always dreamed my first kiss would be magical. Like it would showcase the way it has been in books and movies, but my friends dragged me out of that fairytale. They convinced me it was a nuisance, waste, an obstacle in life to get over. So I did. I got it over with, with my best friend who now won't ever talk to me, who left me rocking back in forth in the corner of my room, wondering what I did wrong.
Maybe that's the reason why I'm the only girl in Liverpool who is not in a relationship. Maybe that's why I can't get another boy to like me, because my mind is constantly straddling the very thought of me and him getting back together. But it never happened, and since then, Jean has always pressured me to find someone new.
But Paul's kiss, it was the most pure and raw sexual contact I've had in a long time. Just the small touch between two pairs of lips can blow your mind. And when you find someone that looks at you like you're the most beautiful blossoming rose, you never want to feel another's lips against yours ever again.
Something was dark and frustratingly wrong though, as if this blissful feeling had completely deteriorated. I broke the kiss and Paul shot me some wide eyes.
"Was it my fault? I'm truly sorry."
"No. It's not you, it's just this boy... From 4 years ago who I can't seem to get out of my head," I sighed.
"There's nothing wrong with you, and I'm saying this with every ounce of my genuine heart. The boy who you once loved shouldn't leave you heartbroken for this long."
"Well, like it or not, that was the truth. Heartbreak in my perspective was staring at the ceiling at 2 in the morning, wondering what went wrong. It was constant pain in my chest from the gaping hole he had left. It's the horrible feeling of not knowing what could've happened," I explained thoughtfully.
"I'm rather sorry you had to go through that, Penny. Is that even your real name?"
"I'll never tell," I smiled at him and he pushed himself onto me aggressively, cupping his hands on my face and pulling me in closer for another kiss.
~
When the inevitable morning broke through the half-opened curtains, I jumped up. I frantically glanced around the room, trying to regain my senses. And that's when I realized there was a shirtless man sleeping in the same bed next to me.
"Paul? Wake up! I've got to go home!" I shouted at him as I looked down, scowling because I had only a bra on. Did I really just do what Jean had pressured me into? Had I succumbed to her evil plans?
"Don't worry, love- shite!" He yelled after he sat himself up. He then dropped his head with his cute ruffled-up hair into his shaky, calloused hands.
"What? What's the matter?"
"I left John at the club!" Paul glanced, channeling a sullen persona. The bright, blinding sun burned his eyes and he glanced around frantically, feeling as though maybe he could hear John crying out for him in the distance. "I've got to go. He's probably all drunk."
"Paul! I can't go home like this! Me father would simply go mad!" He just averted his eyes away from me. He clearly had too many problems that he couldn't handle.
"Then to go home, alright!"
"I don't have a bloody ride!"
"I have to find John!"
"What the hell is wrong with you! You bring a girl over just to shag her and now you leave her here with just a bra on and no ride home?" I shouted back, but he just moved his attention to me, narrowing his eyes darkly - about to blow up into a vent of rage and suppressed anger.
"That's exactly it, alright! Get off me back! I wrote that fortune, alright! You fell into me plan of getting you into bed. Now leave, I don't need you anymore." Those words took a thrashing stab into my delicate heart.
He had manipulated my fortune. He had manipulated the outcome of my wish - the one where I had faith in the future, out of the now. I was speechless that somebody could have the audacity to write their own fortune for a girl who just wanted something bona fide; not something as detrimental as this.
I then put all my clothes back on and stormed out, running many miles just to get to my friendly door with tear-coated cheeks, and colliding my Dad with a completely broken but well-needed hug that I had yearned for.
As we stood there for what seemed like hours, I contemplated. I wondered if one day, love would be painless and that falling in love, would be just like a dream. That no tears would be shed, no skin would be marked, no heartbreaks would exist and no memories would be sad.
Maybe for once, I expected that to happen to me.
____
Hola so I started school last week and it was horrible but hey I'm learning strawberry fields forever on the piano so it's all good.
Thank you so much for reading !
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Hey You ⌲ Paul McCartney
Fanfiction❝I can't love you,❞ he spoke lightly. How I had yearned for him - how I had begged and pleaded for him, how my strength had fallen at the foot of my door when he walked away, how at the last I could only whimper, ❝I knew it.❞ - in which one fateful...
