Living a Lie

Chapter Fifteen - Peeping Toms and Food Fights

It was as if the Fates had stepped in on my sour mood, like there was a whole godly party of "Make-Sakura-Feel-Better" deities up there trying to brighten my ho-hum attitude (you'll understand why I'm being sarcastic later on).

After I went back to my room to catch some decent shuteye, preferably not piled on top of some of the world's most powerful criminals, I woke to the sound of Hidan shouting at everyone to "shut the fuck up, you fucking inconsiderate dickheads!"

I snickered. It was obvious that he had a serious hangover, and thus his already sensitive shinobi ears were hypersensitive to any and all sounds. So the guys were probably chatting sleepily, and Hidan, overzealous idiot that he is, shouted at them to shut up; which only caused his (and probably everyone else's) massive hangover headache to get even worse.

Take that, idiot.

Smirking, I rolled out of bed, head throbbing slightly, grabbed some clean clothes and headed to the bathroom.

I stepped out of the bathroom utterly pissed off. While I had been taking my deliciously hot, soothing shower (and secretly sending a status report to Tsunade-shishou), Hidan burst in. Before I had a chance to yell at him to get the hell out, (because couldn't he see I was in the shower and consequently naked?) he slammed open the toilet lid and started puking his Jashin-loving guts out.

At this point, I was staring at him through the swirled-glass shower door, hands frozen in the process of lathering my pink hair, with my mouth opened into an appalled 'O' of horror.

Sitting with his face resting on the rim of the toilet bowl, Hidan turned to face me.

I turned the color of a ripe tomato, not gonna lie.

"H-Hidan! What the hell do you think you're doing? Have you one shred of decency in you at all?" I screamed, probably loud enough to wake my dead grandparents, who were currently resting in peace all the way in Konoha (lucky them).

He laughed weakly, and then proceeded to puke in the porcelain throne.

Gathering my wits about me, I turned so he wouldn't be able to see at least my naked front. Even thought the shower door was swirled-glass, one could make out a few choice features of someone's body through it.

Damn Akatsuki, not buying dark, not transparent shower curtains…

To make matters worse, Kakuzu strolled in just as Hidan started to remark upon how perhaps they should've invested in plain glass shower doors. Kakuzu stood in the doorway (I know this because I looked over my shoulder to send death glares at Hidan), and started to go off about the pros and cons of plain glass shower doors, saying what types would be more cost-efficient and maybe they should've just gone with shower curtains instead…

Fed up, I screamed at the both of them, "Get the hell out, you pigs!"

Laughing, Hidan stood up and sauntered out as if nothing had happened (was he really sick from that hangover, or was he faking it?) and Kakuzu silently strolled away. "And close the door!"

I avoided Hidan as best I could, but let's face it: Hidan's a stubborn asshole when he wants to be.

He managed to be in the kitchen while I was walking by, talking to Kisame about the whole shower incident. Bristling with fury, I exercised my terrific restraint and barely managed to walk by the door without pummeling something.

Later on, Hidan came into the living room while I was reading up on my medical terminology and started talking to Zetsu about how apparently nice my butt is, but how I'm severely lacking in the chest department.

Suppressing an intimidating growl, I stood up and went to the library to study instead.

Tobi came in much later while I was reading and started browsing through the shelves of books. Hidan seemed to have a Sakura-Radar because he came in and said to the masked ninja, rather loudly, that yes, my hair color is indeed natural.

Hands clamped down on the edges of the table, I very nearly turned said piece of furniture into wood chips.

Standing up stiffly, I stalked out of the library, steam practically blowing out of my ears and every other orifice in my face.

The day went on in much the same manner, with me going to a different area of the base, trying to be alone, and Hidan somehow managing to find me and someone else to talk about various choice bits of my anatomy.

…Bastard.

Dinner time came around, and I decided to make something simple: torikara, which is basically deep-fried chicken nuggets, and some steamed vegetables.

I figured I was being rather generous, given my not-so-generous mood today. I set the table, served the food, and sat down to wait.

Sure enough, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach; all the guys began to filter in, sniffing the air curiously. Itachi sat near me; Deidara and Tobi sat across from each other; Hidan and Kisame sat next to each other, whispering suspiciously; and Zetsu and Kakuzu took up the last two seats.

From my position, I had a direct glare-route at Hidan, which would definitely come in handy.

A mumbled 'itadakimasu' was said, and everyone started digging in. I watched Hidan and Kisame carefully, and noticed how Kisame's eyes would widen when Hidan whispered something, and then they would both grin maliciously and cast a swift glance in my general direction.

I narrowed my eyes, and Itachi looked on curiously. Once the conversation level of everyone else went up (namely Deidara and Tobi arguing loud enough to drown out any other conversation), Itachi asked me what was wrong.

Taking a vicious bite of my torikara, I replied, "Hidan."

Itachi nodded understandingly, but smirked.

Eyes widening in horror and nostrils flaring in anger, I put two and two together and came up with: shit. Which, in this situation, means that Hidan told Itachi and Itachi just didn't want me to know that he knew so I wouldn't hate his ever-loving guts for the rest of his blasted life.

Dammit!

I composed my features as best I could, and said to Itachi, "If you found any enjoyment in what happened this morning, I will personally see to it that you are castrated in the most painful way imaginable,Uchiha."

"What happened this morning, Sakura-san?" he said smoothly, innocently.

"That's better." At least I knew I could trust an Uchiha. Wait? What am I saying?

A+ and a gold star for Itachi; can't say so much for Kisame, though.

Because I heard him snicker at whatever Hidan said.

I saw red.

I furtively mixed some of my stewed vegetables with a chunk of torikara, creating a rather unappealing ball of food.

Which I swiftly maneuvered onto my chopsticks and flung directly into Hidan's face. A slimy piece of carrot ricocheted off Hidan's face and landed on Kisame's cheek.

All was silent.

It was like the calm before a storm.

Because all hell broke loose and let's just suffice it to say that it was an all-out food war.

Admittedly, when all was said and done, I felt quite a bit better than I did before.

But Hidan's still the number one bastard, and Kisame pulls up a close second.