Always (BoyxBoy)

7

Warning: This chapter will include Rape.. Don't hate me please

I wake to see Carter sleeping better than I've seen him in a while, and feel a slight smile slip on my face. I peck his cheek and slowly and carefully get up, trying not to wake him up. I sit up, smiling at the memory of last night. I get up slipping on my boxers I find by the door.

I walk into the kitchen to make breakfast. I get the pan out along with milk, flour, blueberries and bacon. I start mixing all the ingredients together and begin pouring medium sized puddles of pancake mix on the heated pan. I was about to flip a pancake when I feel two arms wrap around waist. I turn to look an, as always, beautiful Carter. I peck his cheek and flip the slightly burned pancake.

I suddenly feel warmth leave my body as coldness claim its place. I turn to look at him as he starts making the drinks and setting the table. I finish making the pancakes and bacon and start making our plates.

I bring them to the table and set his down in front of him as the thanks me. I inform him it was no big deal.

I set my plate down on the table and sit down. My elbow hits the plate, causing it to hit the cup of orange juice, going everywhere on the table.

I scrunch up my face and put it in my hands feeling frustrated. "Aww, baby, it's okay. It's nothing to get upset about." I nod my head moderately and take a deep breath out that I didn't even realize I had to breathe out. He starts to clean up my mess and I get up to make another glass of drink.

You're nothing but a burden

You're just a sorry mistake for a person

You're worthless, especially to him.

You're nothing but a mistake.

You know what you have to do, don't you?

Just end it

He won't care

You don't matter to him.

I feel the glass of drink slip out of my hand. I sit still, unable to keep my tears from falling down my face. I hear running footsteps coming towards me as I am about to collapse onto the tiled floor. I can barely hear what Carter is trying to say, words breaking up every now and then.

I try to say the words in at least a whisper but it comes out barely audible. "It's too much to stay, please help me."

I suddenly feel myself being lifted off of my feet, warmth surrounding me, but it wasn't the comfortable warmth that always surrounds me like when Carter hugs me. I felt... I felt uncomfortable and scared. I don't see anything, vision blurry from tears. I blink them away slowly.

I turn my head to see Carter bringing me to his bedroom allowing a tear to escape from his eyes.

I start hyperventilating as the memories that I try to block return from those days my 'dad' would drink more than often and he'd do more than I thought he ever would to me.

I start crying more and pushing him, trying to escape his grasp as we get closer and closer to the bedroom. I cry out for help as we arrive to the bedroom door.

He puts me on the bed, sitting next to me. I sit up he doesn't start tugging on my pants or anything. I cry more and more as he gets up, looking in the table next to his bed. I know what he's looking for.

I see him coming back to the bed, with a condom in his hand, a look of pure hatred in his eyes. He gets closer to me pulling me towards him. He then throws me on the bed and sits on my waist pinning my hands to the bed.

"Pl-please! Please st-stop it! Don't!" But he doesn't stop. He never does. "You're just like your mother- nothing but a whore!" He spats at me.

He gets off of me and flips me on my stomach. He pulls down my pants along with my boxers, I scream for help and for him to stop, he does the opposite.

I hear his zipper unzip and know what is about to happen. I hear crinkling like every other time he's done this, and I see the wrapper fall on the ground on the right of me.

Without warning, he plunges himself into me, and I screech as I feel something running down my bottom half. I cry out and everything goes dark.

Please tell me I'm dead. I open my eyes and my breathing starts to get more closer together. I don't see 'dad' anymore. I see Carter and we are still on the ground.

I release a long breath of relief and throw my arms around him as he does the same but he hugs me tighter. We start to sob.

I can't make myself look at Carter. I am the one who's causing him to cry right now. I just waste his time. He deserves someone better. Someone who doesn't cry and every triggering thing in sight. Someone better. I'm nothing but worthless. Maybe I should do what everyone, including myself says I should do and die.

I know that last time I tried to, I promised myself never again. If I do it, then I am going to hurt him and bring back horrid memories of his sister, but then again, if I don't, then I'm just going to hurt him more as he sees me, a person in which no one can fix.

I slowly look up at him and see he's looking at me with his eyes full of regret and sadness. I caused this. I caused his sadness. I whisper to him, "I'm sorry. I- I just don't want to get hurt again."

He stares at me and asI guess I have no choice but to tell him about the days. I try to tell him but nothing will come out of my mouth. He wipes my eyes and I bring my knees into my chest, putting my face between my knees.

I hear him walking away, and he comes back with a white board and a dry erase markers. "Please. If you can't say it, please, write it," he says shakily.

I reach for the white board and markers and write out My dad raped me. Don't hate me.
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I know, yes, I know, I am a terrible person, but I have the whole plot planned out and this was part of it. I also know that I'm also terrible because of the fact that I have not updated for more than two weeks, except for when I published this for about two days, and I unpublished it due to the fact that I noticed how explicit it was and I'm very sorry to anyone who read it, but I retread it after publishing it and was so upset of how fucked it I wrote. As I read over it, I also noticed how many grammatical errors and spelling errors there were. I'm very sorry to provide such terrible material to you guys. But, back to the reason I have not been updating. My grandma took my tablet from me, and when I got it back, she stopped paying for the wifi. I will try to update as often as I can. I love you guys though!