Surviving the Storm

Chapter 4

"Kassidy, Jonathan, if you will," the pastor says gesturing to the pitch black casket in front of us. My face remains expressionless except for the few tears trickling down my eyes. In my right hand I hold my favorite picture I drew of my mom and dad when I was little. On the inside I had written a letter to my parents, and once they read it in heaven, I'll feel their warm smiles on me. In my left hand I hold a rose, just simply giving them the respect they deserve that I had never bothered giving them. For example depression. Did I seriously put them through the pain of that?

Jon lays a letter he had written to Mom and Dad on each of their caskets. I kiss the rose in my hand and lay it on the tomb of my father. I hadn't been as close to my father as I had been with my mother. My dad had been tight with my brother. I still never got a chance to say my final goodbye to my father, with him alive of course. I will forever have that guilt hanging over my shoulders.

Slowly I move over to my mom's casket. I feel all eyes on me, carving me to just a speck on the earth. I'm not worth much. Definitely not as worthy as my mom and dad had been.

I ignore the eyes on me and stare at the picture I had drawn when I was little. Like every other kid, I drew a sun in the corner. There was a green hill, and standing on top was my mom and dad holding hands. They were higher than everything else but the sun. After all, they were the most important people in my life.

A tear rudely plops itself onto the drawing and makes itself comfortable as it soaks in its surroundings. I don't feel anymore wetness as I gently lay the picture on my mom's casket. I turn my back and walk by my brother, who welcomes me with warm arms.

I watch as the caskets are lain into the hole dug into the earth, soft music playing in the background. First goes my dad, the rose with kisses and the letter from Jonathan sinking into the ground. Then goes my mother, Jonathan's letter sinking again. I mainly watch my picture as it descends. The picture with a tear. I watch as the tear is buried deeper and deeper until it is no longer visible. And then it's buried, along with every tear stored in my eyes.

Louis had left me alone in this process. Only this morning did I receive a text from him saying he would not be able to make the funeral. Today was the day he was moving to Los Angeles. How could he have not known that!? I wouldn't have been so angry if he told me earlier...but the day of the funeral? The one day I really need him to be here for me, and he leaves.

I never replied to his text. He keeps apologizing, but apologizing cannot change the past. It is obvious he does not care all too much for me considering he didn't tell me earlier. And I hate him for that. I hate him. This is why I never allowed myself to love anyone. My heart would end up getting shredded.

Silently I make myself a promise to never put myself in the hands of another. I can trust my brother and that is it. I don't want to deal with boyfriends knowing all it will do is bring harm.

At the end of the ceremony, just about every person who attended confronts Jon and me. They apologize for our loss.

APOLOGIZING DOESN'T DO ANYTHING!

They never did anything to harm me, did they? No. So why are they apologizing? Sorry that they weren't in the car with the drunk driver to tell him to step on his brakes? This makes me grow a hatred towards everyone here. Even to my closest friends. Even to Lauren. Because even she apologized. She should know better.

Jon and I leave the cemetery and head home. We had decided earlier not to have a banquet afterwards. It wouldn't help anything.

My aunt Lisa follows us home. She will be taking care of us for the time being, making sure we get along. Jon and I will eventually move out of the house that built us. We will move into a small apartment until we are both out of college. Well, that is the plan. We have the money to pay rent considering the money our parents had. Jon and I get all of the money now.