Forbidden love

Chapter 5: I need you

A month later

Tumbling out of bed, I throw my covers back and rush to the bathroom. This is the second time in 4 hours that I've nearly covered myself in vomit. My heart drops every time I think about what could be happening but I know I can't put it off any longer. I promise myself that I will take a pregnancy test this afternoon while my parents are working.
If I'm pregnant I don't know what I'll do. Would I still finish school? What about A? How am I supposed to keep a child safe when I can't even keep myself safe?
***
I pass the box with the test inside to the woman behind the checkout counter as she shoots me a disapproving look, flickering her eyes to me then to the box then back again a second and a third time.
"Is there a problem?" I ask, agitated.
"How old are you?"
"I'm sixteen, but I don't see how that's any of your concern so, if you don't mind please can you scan that so I can pay and get out of here?"
I stuff the test into the bottom of my bag. I needed to calm down.
I wish my parents were the kind I could talk to about these types of things. Dad would get the police (and everyone he could possibly get involved) involved and mom would be so disappointed in me.
I take the test home and wait for the allocated 3 minutes, pacing across my bedroom floor nibbling at my nails. I'm scared to look, this can't be happening...I've not even got the results for my exams through yet and I've already applied for an acting audition where you have the chance to accepted into a role in a big, upcoming movie based in New York...a baby would change everything.
The test is done, I have to heave a breath in and out before looking.
Positive.
No. I'm in denial.
I'm tempted to go and buy another test but it's no use, the test is right. I'm pregnant.
Perching on the end of my bed, I go over a million ways how to tell Ezra. This could make us the strongest couple in Rosewood or it could break us apart and it could ruin him. I don't want to waste anymore time, so I grab the test and put a jacket on. I need to tell him today. If I don't tell him today I'll not get any sleep and he deserves to know, after all it's his child as well as mine.
I knock three times. My heart's in my mouth; this is the moment that will change my life forever. Okay Aria that doesn't make this any easier. I think to myself.
When he answers the door and I see his tousled brown hair, his sea-green eyes that you could drown in, my fears almost melt away and he makes me feel so strong; his smile expands across his face, defining the dimples in his cheeks. As his face brightens, mine is covered with guilt and I look down at my hands to prevent him from seeing it.
"Are you coming in or are we going to talk on my doorstep?" He says opening the door wider and smiling again at his own joke.
I step in without a word and run my hand through my hair. "Ezra, I need to talk to you."
"What's wrong?" He asks, taking my hands into his own. "Is it bad?"
"I...I...I don't know how to tell you..." I stutter, my head feels so heavy that I think it might fall off my shoulders.
"Aria, you can tell me anything, just take your time and sit down, let me make us a drink okay?" He smiles reassuringly.
"Okay." I return the smile. I feel my hands shaking violently, I see Ezra let go of me so I can sit down, I hear myself fall with a painful, hard thud to the floor, just missing the coffee table. Then the darkness cocoons me as I waver in and out of reality.
I see his frantic expression in front of me as I regain some of my consciousness. Rubbing my forehead and trying to sit up, I feel increasingly dazed.
"Careful, careful, don't try and sit up on your own, I'll help you onto the sofa." Ezra says, cradling my neck and holding my hand. What did I do to get so lucky?
"Ouch my head hurts." I wince and squint my eyes to fight back the tears.
"Hang on a second let me just move the table."
He moves it and places me onto the sofa. Tucking a blanket around me, he runs into the kitchen and returns with the hot drink, which I clasp between my hands and let the warmth make my hands tingle and a cold cloth which he presses lightly to my forehead. He keeps asking me if I'm in pain and if I'm okay, but other than that he just sits there looking at me, how can I tell him any of this without ruining his life?
"Ezra, I know I've ruined your life okay, I know that and I don't want you to hate me but I really need to just say--"
"You don't need to say anything okay? I don't know what to say to make you believe me. I could never hate you--"
"Ezra I'm pregnant." I blurt out, cutting him off mid-sentence. This probably wasn't a good time since I just passed out less than three minutes earlier.
"Aria don't joke around, I've had enough surprises for one day." He laughs but I can hear his voice waver nervously as he looks at the seriousness written across my face.
"It's not a joke, trust me. Pass me my bag please." He does so and I pull out the test and pass it to him.
Silence. Shock. His body slackens as he breathes out heavily in more shock as he reads the word 'positive'. His hand covers his mouth subtly as what? A sign of disappointment? A sign of guilt? I can't tell how he's reacting just yet, it's a painstaking couple of seconds before he answers.
"How far?" He swallows.
"I don't know. About a month." I'm getting increasingly scared. Surely he won't leave me. "Ezra please say something. I'd rather you shout or scream at me than leave me with silence."
He shakes his head in disagreement. Okay he's not mad or angry. "Aria, you have my son or daughter growing inside of you...I'm going to be a father and I need to be able to support you." He finally makes eye contact with me; whenever he looks at me we could be the only two people in the world.
"I know." I reply.
"Have you told your parents?"
"Not yet. I wanted to tell you first." My voice cracks, "Ezra what are we going to do?"
I lean my head back and every emotion I've felt brewing inside of me, comes streaming out of my eyes, I haven't cried like this since I was a little kid. It's like one of those cries I used to have when I'd fell off my bike and scraped the skin off my knee and I'd sob uncontrollably into my dad's shoulder as he'd carry me into the house to put a Disney plaster on the cut.
"Hey, don't cry, don't cry, we'll manage, okay?" He pulls me gently in towards him, but he's careful not to jolt my head or neck too much and cradles me in his arms as I curl up and lean on him. He kisses my head gently as I cry heavily into his jumper.
"Ezra, please don't go." I choke, "I need you."
"I'm not going anywhere, I need you too, you're the one Aria, you always have been." He breathes soothing words into my hair and wipes my tears away with his thumb.
Silence lingers over us for a while, our fingers interlaced. My sudden urge to vomit brings me to my feet which isn't classy at all; I heave as I jump off the sofa, startling him. As I lean over the toilet I feel his strong, steady hands rubbing the small of back and holding my hair behind me.
"I think we should take you to the doctors soon, you know, to let them check if everything's okay."
I smile weakly at him and agree.
"I think we should also tell people about us." He suggests.
"People..?" I panic.
"Possibly meaning your parents." He says sheepishly, as he knows I'll deem it as a bad idea considering the timing. Any other time and I'd have hugged him to death.
"You want to tell my parents?"
"Yes, together, I think they should know."
"Wait, you want to tell them about us and the baby?" Okay now I'm beginning worry, "I don't think I can do that, Ezra you've seen my dad when he gets angry and how my mom gets disappointed at me in the smallest things I do or say wrong, a pregnant teenaged-daughter would be a complete embarrassment in their eyes." I totally spiral, so much my head starts to ache again.
"I'll be there the whole time, if your dad wants to throw a punch then he can throw one at me, okay?" He tucks a lock of hair behind my ear.
I laugh because in the midst of all this he's still managing to throw in little subtle one-liners to make me smile. "Okay, let's do it. When?"
"Tomorrow after you've finished school, I'll finish work early okay?"
I nod in approval as he kisses my forehead, although I'm oblivious to what I'm letting myself in for.