Where is the Return Address!? ((Osomatsu-san x Reader))(((Discontinued)))

Osomatsu is Surely an Idiot/Dr. Dekapan's 'Beer'

Osomatsu sighed deeply as he made his way home from the races. He had lost and it didn't come as a surprise today. For the past week or two he had not won at any races or brought home any Pachinko winnings. With not winning he had blown through most of his allowance and had quickly be came bored. And low on money.  Sure he had no job and no where to be but with being the dirty money grubber that he is, being low on money was not a good feeling to him. He tried to as his mom for a raise on his allowance, but she flat out declined him because he already had an allowance raise two days prior.  He would have asked his younger brother for some money too but we all know that they are as broke as he is. Even if they did have money to lend they probably wouldn't even give some to their awesome older brother just to be jackasses.

So with that thought in mind he got of his lazy buns and started to look for some oddball jobs that didn't need a lot of effort to complete. Easy money, right?  Wrong!

The only jobs that he found that didn't need certification for were:

1. watching someone's kid.

2. watching someone's job.

3. Community service.

He loves kids, don't get him wrong, they're cute and all, but having the responsibility of watching over one for an extended amount of time was not going to sit well.  He also doesn't have trouble with pets, but they need constant attention and love. You wonder why they don't have pets of their own besides the occasional stray cat that comes by for Ichimatsu. Besides he wasn't going to spend his day picking up dog shit. As for the community service, he was pretty sure that they don't pay you for volunteering to help your community. So much for looking for easy jobs--wait there was one last slip of paper.

Medical Assistant needed - no medical education required - 1300 yen per hour  contact Dr. Dekapan for more info.

Perfect.

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Well that went better than expected....

He worked beside Dr. Dekapan for a week for 21 hours, 3 hours everyday for the whole week. All he did was test some enhancement pills that didn't work, which is odd because his stuff usually either worked well or backfired badly. He also had to sort the medicine by name. It would have been easy too if he if Dekapan didn't have damn nearly 500 bottles.  The bright side of this that he earned a couple hundred yen. He even got to nab one of the six pack of 'beer' that was in his weird looking 'fridge'.  It was Sunday, so  it was a perfect day for relaxing  with a couple of beers and ecchi  manga. Maybe even earn some praise after he tells his little brother how productive their nii-san was this week.

Those asswipes weren't even home when they got back. More beer for me.

Out of angry and spite he down all the beer.

And quickly passes the fuck out.

Later that night , after all the brothers were situated in their shared futon, Osomatsu's stomach was cramping up really bad and he was suffering from a bitching migraine. He tossed and turned in his spot, groaning, trying to ease the pain is his gut, but it would spark a flash a of pain behind his eyes and he would stop moving to ease that pain creating a vicious cycle. He whimpered pitifully. He could not hold his liquor at all.   With all of his squirming around he woke up his brother's, and to say they were unhappy was an understatement. They thought that he was disrupting their sleep because the haven't been spending time with him lately and wee prepared to yell at him, but when they noticed that he was in genuine pain they become concerned. 

They try to ask him what was wrong to try to help, but all he would do was squirming and whimpering and it was pissing Choromatsu off the most.

"Osomatsu-niisan, If you don't tell us whats wrong how are we supposed to help you?" Choro supplied through grit teeth, trying his damnedest to not yell or punch his pained brother. 

He couldn't even reply, he was in that much pain. 

Then the next thing he knew, with a heaving gasp, the room was filled with a searing bright light. He could hear the pained and terrified screams of his brothers, that was soon blocked out. All that he could focus in was the strange feeling of his body being stretched and shrunk, pulled apart and sewed back together simultaneously. It was odd--it didn't hurt, but it was a very strange sensation.  

Then he suddenly felt encased in a comforting warmth-- a familiar warmth. He tried,which probably not a lot, to keep his heavy eyelids lifted.

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As consciousness comes back to him, the first things that he notices is the feeling of being mushed and the lack of breath. He opens his eyes but it  didn't help much. As for the suffocating feeling, he tried to maneuver around, but when he tries to stretch his legs out there are a chorus of pained groans. He was trapped in a fucking box with his brothers.

"Owowow! Who's foot is that--get out of my spleen!"

"S-someone's  elbow is pressed into my ribs--my Bruzzahs  please stop moving, it brings me pain."  

"Shut up Shittymatsu, you breath makes the air hot!"

" Ha ha, Karamatsu-niisan has stinky, hot breath!"

" O-oi, Jyushimatsu-niisan stop trying to jump, your mushing meeeeee!"

"Guys is that you? What the hell is going on?"

Unknown to them the box was being open.   

"Why don't you tell us Osomatsu-niisan, you caused this! Ooh, If you weren't out of reach and Todomatsu wasn't crushing me with his heavy ass--OW "

"Hmph! Its not like you can call me fat Cherrymatsu-niisan, we all weigh the same!"

"WHO THE HELL IS CHERRYMATSU!"

"Why, its you Alexfapper Graham Bell." Choromatsu knocks the box trying to move from underneath Todomatsu, causing all of them to tumble out painfully. But before Osomatsu coulg get his bearings, he was pounced on by the third son, and then by the sixth son.

While getting his ass beat he could here Jyushimatsu and Karamatsu ramble about something in the background--Wait! HOLY SHIT!

Jyushimatsu fucking picks up a giant ass coffee table. 

" Hey, hey, HEY! STOP THAT!"someone hops over the back of an abnormally large couch and take the coffee table from the unnaturally small Jyushimatsu. They instantly stop. They stare at you. You take sometime to look around your surrounding and see that there is a fucking giant kneeling over all of you in a huge ass place that you don't recognize as your own shared room.

 3. 2. 1.

"NOW LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE YOU SHITTY ELDEST BROTHER!"

"EEEEEH! GIANT !!!"

"Hello my-- Karamatsu lover~."

"Shut up Shittymatsu..."

"OW! That hurts Fappymatsu!"

"This is all your fault Osomatsu-nii san." 

What have I gotten us into?