W a r m t h | iwaoi

{5} - r e j e c t i o n

i couldn't tell her.

elise tilted her head downwards, shuffling her feet in the snow. she looked up at me; the one who caused her all this pain.

"i decided i'm having the kid, tooru, but once he or she is born i-
i simply don't want it."

she called our unborn child, an "it".

a symbol of love and unity, most couples called it. but to her, our child was an "it."

a knife to the heart.
no sympathy was left within her.
she was dull now.
just like the rest of them.

how fucking dare you.

"so you're just going to disown our child like that?! you haven't even met them yet! what do you know about them? do you even know what kind of person they're going to grow up to be?! do you even want to know?"

the words just barely managed to seep through my rigid jaw, my fingers clenching into fists.

elise sighed, trying to calm me down. the roles reversed.

"tooru, i have a life i want to live. i just can't have a kid when i'm only twenty. it's unfair. i can't support them, or give them a good environment. it's just not going to-"

it served to infuriate me further rather than mollify my temper.

you disgust me.

"why are you such a selfish bitch?! i-"

i started to choke up. my tears dripped onto the snow, forming small wet indents,

"i did love you."

deafening sobs came from her- the girl i took advantage of; the girl i lied to; the girl i used; the girl that blinded me from reality;

the girl i could never love.

as tears continued to stream down my face, i threw myself onto her, hugging her ever so tightly. her thin arms wrapped around my back in return, piercing my heart with indescribable sorrow.
we stayed in the same spot until the sun started to poke through the iridescent clouds.
we stayed in our little bubble.
our sanctuary.

but as the truth bled through the haven we had created, i made a decision i could never forget.

"elise, i'll raise our child. i'll make them strong, stronger than you'll ever hope to make them."

she chuckled,

"we'll see about that."

and i let go.
i let the bubble break.
it was time for us to move on.

•

we were approaching the end of the semester. elise decided to stop coming to school because her pregnancy became noticeable.

that would mean we'd have to tell everyone. the administration of the school, her parents, my parents, our friends, iwaizumi.

iwaizumi scared me the most. i didn't want to tell him.
i felt ashamed.
i felt like if i told him, we would be different with one another, and that was the one thing i didn't want happening.

i didn't want to lose him too.
i'd already lost elise.
she stopped talking to me and she only came to me when something new was going on.
i felt alone.

i needed someone.

•

i headed towards elise's dorm, brimming with excitement.

i was going to tell her.
i was going to tell her that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

was that what i truly wanted?

no.

she came out, looking even worse than the day before. dark circles framed her cloudy blue eyes, her blonde hair laying limp on her shoulders. elise hadn't even tried to make herself look presentable. her baby bump was even more prominent in her t-shirt.

i smiled my shock off and walked towards her, flowers and a box filled with a promising future hidden behind my back. she glared at me and reactively snatched her hand back when i reached out to hold it.

"why-"

my voice was overpowered by the sound of sudden rainfall. it shattered the feeling of momentary silence, pounding against the pavement. it was almost summer, the trees and flowers were alive and beautiful- oh so vibrant.

elise wasn't.

the action stung, but i managed to pull out the flowers and convey what i truly wanted to say-

"elise, will you-
marry me?"

she didn't even flinch as i took out the ring.
she looked at me with the same straight face.
the same face from that day years ago when our eyes met and i could feel the hatred radiating off of her.
the same face from the day she said yes to me asking her out.
the same face from the day i walked into the bathroom and saw her hunched over the toilet, her eyes hollow and dim and lost.

and it was then that i realized that her expression wasn't actually a straight face.

it was desperation.
pure and simple.
raw and rough at the edges.
broken and needy.
and,
for once in her life,
she didn't give in.

slowly, she raised her hand and smacked the ring right out of my grasp.

"i hate you! you did this to me. get the hell away from me," she spat, anger taking hold of her frighteningly fragile body.

she stalked back into the dorm and slammed the door shut behind her.

i was left there, out in the rain.
no words to say,
no tears,
just-
empty.

and suddenly i felt two strong arms wrap around me, holding my pieces together.
so careful not to let me cave in.
almost terrifyingly so.

and i let the tears spill from my dark brown eyes and i collapsed inwards and i let the sorrow flood my lungs and set me on fire in the pouring rain.

and that was okay.

that was okay because i knew there was someone who knew just how to put me back together with the upward curl of his lips.
that was okay because i knew there was someone to hug me close and comfort me and hold me until my world was stable once again.

and that was okay as he turned me towards him and i saw those familiar features and everything i'd ever needed in my life flash before my very eyes-

right as our lips met.

iwaizumi.

a/n:

WE POSTED IT AT 11:59 PM ITS STILL THE UPDATING DAY SHUT