Hold You Like I'm Going To Lose You (Septiplier)

The Doctors Saved You But You're Still Dead

Wow, I reference a lot in the chapter titles don't I? This one's kind of obscure, so the reference is to Coma Baby by Nicole Dollanganger.

Warning for after suicide attempt and homophobia.

Disclaimer that this is an AU and his mother is not actually like this.

Mark's heart monitor became Jack's anchor.

Even when Felix finally got there and started to practically force him to eat and drink, to try and keep healthy, Jack still just sat and listened to the heart monitor.

The only sound that really took him from the numb feeling was Mark's groan.

Jack quickly stood, ignoring everyone else in the room, and leaned over Mark's hospital bed.

Deep brown eyes finally opened, after so long of being closed, looking up and clashing with light blue ones.

Jack couldn't help a large grin appear on his face, his tears restarting. Which was a miracle, since Jack was sure he'd cried himself out.

Mark stared up at him, squinting in the bright light. "W-Wha...? I... I'm alive?" He croaked, trying to sit up.

A wince overtook his expression as his arms shook, trying desperately to hold his weight. They were weak and pained, however, causing them to collapse underneath him and drop him straight onto the bed.

Jack stared for a few seconds, before he went forward and hugged him, shaking his head softly.

"God damn it, Mark... yer not allowed to die on me..." He mumbled, burying his face into Mark's shoulder.

Mark blinked in surprise, before he wrapped his arms around Jack too, eyes shutting again. "... I'm sorry."

Jack pulled back a bit. "Mark, why th' fuck did ya..." His voice died away, him wiping the tears out of his eyes and biting his lip to stop his sobs.

Mark looked down to his lap, wincing at the sight of his bandages. "I... Jack, I wanted to die..." His lip quivered as he tried to keep in his weeping. "Y-You don't know how it f-feels... I ha-ate myself so much... Y-You wouldn't understand, you're so much stronger th-than me... I'm weak a-and horrible..."

Jack sat back and shook his head, wincing as his hip throbbed, shifting a bit.

"What's wrong?" Mark asked, squinting his eyes at Jack. He completely ignored the pain he still felt, in favor of worrying over someone he thought was much more important than him.

Jack shook his head a second time. "I was jus' worried... Mark, yer not weak. You're amazin', kind, beautiful, a-an' I love you..."

Mark froze, eyes widening. "Y-You still love me...? God, why?! I... I took advantage of you... m-more times than one..."

"Mark, it doesn't matter..."

"I basically tried to r-ra... You said yes but I knew... I h-hurt..."

"Mark the bruises don't fucking matter!"

"... bruises?"

Jack froze, staring at Mark for a few moments, before glancing behind at the sleeping others behind him.

Everyone else in the room was sleeping except...

Felix's eyes were open as he stared at the encounter.

He repeated Mark's question, quietly, causing Jack to squirm.

"... Mark, y-ya... accidentally left b-bruises..." Jack mumbled, glancing between them before hugging himself.

Felix swallowed, sitting up from his position. He wasn't sure what to say to that; Mark was sitting there, alive, after hanging by a thread... and Felix was so happy about it, but he couldn't help the anger boiling deep within him. How could Mark hurt Jack of all people?

"... Jack, let me see them."

Jack flinched, glancing over at Felix. He realized why Felix wanted to see. Felix wanted to know how rough Mark had gotten.

Jack grabbed the sides of his shorts and pulled them down a bit to show the now healing blue bruises. They had never got really dark, mostly red at the beginning and now a light blue black.

Felix stared for a moment, before reaching forward to graze his fingers over the bruise, causing Jack to jolt back.

"Sorry..."

"Jack, f-fuck..." Mark whimpered, hands curling into fists. His nails dug into his palms so harshly that he started to bleed.

"Mark, please!"

Jack's voice caused Mark to stop, hands slowly going back to a normal position.

"Y-You think I hate you so fuckin' much, ya think yer horrible a-and that you need to die but ya don't! God- yer my hero! Yer so many people's hero, an' I fuckin' love you!"

Mark's eyes widened a bit, staring up at the Irishman for awhile.

He studied the position Jack was in.

Jack had climbed onto the bed, sitting on his knees at the end of the bed near Mark's feet. There was a forced angry expression on his face, but the only feelings stuck in those ocean eyes was worry and pure love.

Mark looked up to see his mother in the doorway.

For the longest time he stared up at her, Felix's and Jack's eyes following.

"... that's kinda gay, Jack..."

Jack blinked in surprise, tilting his head a bit in confusion. "Wha-?"

Mark's mother started into the room, giving Jack a look that only made Jack squirm.

"Mark, you really shouldn't keep someone like him in your room." Her tone caused Felix to sit up, angry frown set on his face.

Of course Mark's mother was prejudiced towards gay people.

Mark had obviously never told her about his own feelings toward the same sex.

"He's my friend, mom." Mark mumbled, looking away at the look she gave him, before she gave a sigh.

"So what happened, Mark?"

His head tilted a bit, before he looked up at his mother.

"... I..."

"You've had a wonderful life, Mark! There was no reason for you to do anything to yourself. Was it another cry for attention?"

Felix grit his teeth a bit. Mark's life hadn't been wonderful... In fact, by the looks of it, Mark had been through a lot too.

Jack had gone through hell at the hands of a sick bastard.

Mark had gone through hell at the hands of not only himself, but...

"N-No, I-!"

"Mark, I really don't want to hear anymore lies, ok? Just get some sleep."

Mark's mouth shut as he glanced away.

He knew his mother didn't necessarily hate him, not yet. If he ever told her everything wrong with him, or anything about himself, he knew he'd lose her love... And she was always 'strict'...

So he kept his mouth shut.

With a cracked voice, he finally lied, "Y-Yes, mom. I'm s-sorry, I ju-ust wanted attention..."

Jack knew that wasn't true, heard the lie in Mark's voice...

"Obviously... This is the only thing I don't like about you, Mark... I thought I raised you better..."

"... s-sorry..." Mark's voice was quiet, barely audible, before he layed back and shut his eyes.

Mark just wanted sleep.

Thinking about what his mother said, 'another cry for attention'...

Mark wanted to die again.