Fan Account ⇒ Cowan

04. add account

Maybe people did like me, maybe they didn't. I didn't care anymore.

Who am I kidding? I cared so freaking much about what people thought about me. I shared that with Riley, I guess. But at least Riley was around people who actually liked her.  Only one person bullied her. A whole stadium  of people had belittled me, even though they weren't real. It was just a nightmare.

I wanted somewhere I could be happy, somewhere that people liked me. If people didn't like me here, they would like me somewhere else. All I had to do was find that place and I could actually be happy...make some friends.

We couldn't move somewhere else. The set of Girl Meets World was very close to where I lived and so were all my family's friends. My grandparents happened to live in the next town too. I had no chance of persuading everyone to pack their bags and move out of this place.

So that was it. I had no chances of going anywhere else. Everything sucked. I was stuck here in my mess of a room living with no self-esteem or friends.

I had a feeling I would remember that dream forever. Just thinking about it, made my stomach knot up and made me tremble slightly. You couldn't imagine how dreadful it was sitting there watching people shout insults which tore me apart. It was only a dream but what happens in real life affects dreams very much.

All of a sudden I felt angry. I wanted to get revenge on every single person who'd insulted me and made me feel like I was nothing. I wanted to punch, to scream, to even freaking kill someone right now.

My teeth chattering wildly (although it happened to be the middle of Summer), I clenched my pillow in my hand and threw it out of an open window. I visited my brother's room and attacked all his toys, and even ripped the head of one of his dinosaurs. While he  cried and yelled at me, I ran back into my room and straight away sat down and went on my phone, like usual.

I felt really bad now, actually. Shane hadn't done anything; I'd been extremely rude. Half of me wanted to go and apologise to him straight away. But the other half, the evil half, was satisfied with all the damage I'd done.

My fingers tapped the 'Instagram' app and as expected, thousands of notifications came up. Hundreds of Girl Meets World fan had commented and liked my posts. It felt good to at least get some appreciation even if it was online. I truly loved all of my fans and anyone who supported me. It would be funny if I could be a fan of myself.

A fan of myself...

"Oh my god!" I exclaimed, excitedly. I knew what to do now. It was so simple...I'd been doing it nearly everyday since I was twelve. The answer was right under my nose. Literally.

I would create a fan account for Girl Meets World.

If I couldn't live in the real world properly, surely the internet world would be better? Everyone would accept me there and they would like me. Sure, there may be a few off-days but less than I have here talking to real people.

My heart racing excitedly, I tapped on a random Girl Meets World account. The username was @lovingrilaya . So people could make accounts on things they shipped? That seemed interesting. I was all down for that if I could make a Riarkle account.
As I scrolled through the account, I realised two things: one, this person was an amazing editor and two, this 'fandom' (as they all called it) was definitely the right place for me. It would take me time to learn all the slang and stuff, but I was excited.

I don't know why I was so elated at the prospect of having a simple Instagram account. I already had one which made me feel really bad. What if people hated me here too? Of course they would, unless I disguised myself or something.