Belittle

Entry 1- some troubled thoughts!

dear diary -

sometimes in life there are choices to be made .
Some are though like choosing between two favourite flavours of ice cream, and some are easier like picking which socks to wear for the day.
But I always get confused between what is best for me and what I want for myself.
Its easier to want something and get it done,  there is that sense of satisfaction , the pride for work done by our will.
we thought about doing something and did it.

when we think about achieving a self proclaimed goal , we have a vision in the back of our mind,  that this will be the definite end result. but its not in our control . the future is it? 
nope.
all we can do is hope.
Hope that someday everything will fall in place.
Time- its magical.
we cannot capture it in a bottle. or fix deposit time in our bank. All we can do is spend it doing things we love.
every minute is a waste when something we love doing is not done.
In my case reading, I love reading.
A book leaves me with such huge amount of satisfaction.
and I have the supper power of falling in love with fictional characters.
Harry potter (The Hp series as if this was needed)for instance,  the Salvatore brothers(from the vampire diaries), prince maxon(the selection series), Sirius Black(nope I am not telling), Augustus(The fault in our stars), Jerry(P.S. I love you).....and so so on the list is never ending.
what are your fictional lovelies?
I have this dream of creating my own little library.
but I own around 120 books at the moment gosh I wish we had garage sales in India.  I would have brought so many more books.  and fuck everyone who is increasing the price of the books in my bucket list. and especially the hard back ones.  they cost a fortune.
Suggest some books that I should definitely read.

and at the end I'll tell you about one thing in life that everyone should try.
Para gliding!! -
yes It's a definite yes.
look I am I sacre crow I am sacred of water. We had a pool at school still me being a fucking chicken head.
I did not learn.  so I don't know how to swim but someday I'll learn.
There was this trip to goa.
(half of my country will be planing a goa trip with friends at this very moment aahaa! its all in vain because everyone knows plans like that are only made and whoever is making that face we will go. alright challenge accepted send me your goa pictures)
We had water sports.
my best friend !crazy bitch! 
I love her so fucking much.  she forced me into trying that!  and I swear to god!  if  I would have stepped down at that moment.  I would have regretted it for my entire life. luck favored me.

The small boats took us to the big ones which had this fast engine,  like really fast. in the middle of the ocean.  water water everywhere and scare crow in the middle.
I was hanging on my best friend like my life depended on her. quite literally it did.
so she saved my ass from getting wet and pushed me off on the bigger boat.  I was clutching on the sleeve of her shirt trying to be calm.  How can I, a hyper ball of recklessness be calm?

we were 3 pairs and thank god it was a paired up adventure I would have jumped out in water rather than swing on a rope in the middle of the sea alone.

we were the last,I felt calm as no one was drown yet or dead by any chance.
breathing and alive and yep our boat was still afloat. gosh kill Titanic. Never to sit on a boat and think about a sinking one.

so we were tied on the propler kind of thing whatever that is a rope which in wound over the round circular meatal propeller (lets just call it that ) so it has a handel and the guy just ignites the engine and kaboom the other guy starts to unwind the rope and woshh... we are in air, in the middle of the sea.
I was clutching on her with my legs and my hands as hard as they could,  griping on the ropes.
I saw the entire world through the moving waves and the setting sun smiling at us. beauty of the sky kissing the waves.
the sound. and the birds flying just above our head.
and woshhh.... we were dipped in the salty see water.  so Frankly it was sick to drink the oceans water.
  but it was awesome. and I found myself yelling once more in unison with my best friend.

Yes, the salt is salty and the sand doesn't clean easy but that sunest and the dip in the entire world of life is beyond everything.
so you must try it.
If not in the ocean try it in Africa they do it with the Jeeps , or somewhere else where they do it with helicopters.
Its a risk but hellla what is life without a little risk.
how will I be thankful for being alive if I am yet to experience death.
so at the end.
Whosoever is reading it.
I know there are so many people who are in pain. That might not be a physical pian.
but an emotional one.  and a pain which cannot be healed. a pain we cannot talk about.  a pain which cannot be cured with medical help.
but with love so I love you.  be strong and be brave.  have faith and show kindness .
because A)  its free of cost.
B)  I will love you even more.
and life is big be happy and go with it.  and whatever is your trouble in time it will go away and you will heal.
and there will come a day that this pain will only be a buried memory.
love laugh and yes keep on reading.
love - mayanka:)