Belittle

when things go down hill.

I terribly miss him and want him back really but does that mean that I should take him back? 
no. 

I want him but I do not need him, to make my life even more messier because with him the pain will comeback rushing and the vague feeling that anyday he will leave again.
And I will be stuck in a never ending labyrinth.
I never needed him to be happy I am happy.
I always Am.

like today I laughed and was happy. the thing is I always wanted him to be happy with me. ans yes, I have to be strong it's been to long now. 

I have done everything , to pull it together and I just would not.
It becomes harder now.
I have grown in love so I won't stop valuing it.

One bad ending cannot stop me from a forever of happily ever after can it?

lets hope he does not creeps back in to life or I don't not do something stupid, like being there for him.
or things like that.
I just want to be happy.
And as everyone knows.
we do not need a guy, to be happy.
or a girl.
or anyone.
we need a head and a little sense of humor. that says fuck everyone else.
simle and put on those shoes and run along the lengths and breadths of the earth.
as simple as it sounds is it.
nope.
but It get's better.
In a day.
A week.
A month .
A year.
A decade.
A lifetime.

It depends on how much time you take to accept, what were your faults and what were his/her.

It depends on how much you still think that the best things in life were with him/her.

It depends on the nights were you stuff your head in that stupid pillow and cry your eyes out wishing that you could choke on tears and, the pain suddenly subsides.
it does not happen.
so you  still cry at nights.

It depends on how easily you can talk about him. With people. your friends.
I don't think we ever stop loving people.
do we?
no.
In time we took to fall in love.
It takes a life time to fall out.
even today When I don't need him in my life.
when Its about need, why would I need anyone.
but I did beg him to stay. he did not so I just sucked it up and took a deep breath and asked myself.
were you not loyal.
yes I definately was.
were you not a nice person.
hell I am!
were you not enough
pretty enough, hot enough,loving enough,caring enough.
I was trying to be.
so were the faults came to important parts of the relationship.
I did not suck at all.
so I just gave up when he gave up.
It took every ounce of my strength. I thought it would be heart breaking but.I was not.

Like people keep on saying letting go hurts less than keep on holding.
yeah it does.
but Today I am happy.
TO BE alive and have experienced purest form of love.

It just makes me smile how much love can effect us.

and yes I forgot in all those things above ,
the thing is that people get inspired by reading things like those and that is why I am doing this.
if anyone is hurting out there, than you are not alone, we share pain and thoughts.
you can always ask me for advice or talk.  just don't bottle but your feelings.

I am sure you'll be alright because. when you were little and fell of that fucking bicycle for the first time and hurt your knee badly and then thought you would never be able to ride a bicycle.
but your wounds healed and then you started trying again. and hell you did it.  and the wounds healed and its just a little scar of happy memories.

AT LAST THE ONE THING YOU MUST TRY IS.

Let hell freeze over and let words flow.
write it all down,even if you are bad at it.
no one is going to read that anyway.
write in any language.
or create your own,just do it.

somedays are good and some are bad, make a diary and divide it in half and make sections.

1)best days of my life
In the first half because we should keep good closer.
2) worst days of my life.

It really helps on a bad day to go back and have a little vist to a good one.
and when there are things ,
that you cannot do anything about. Just write them down.  you might get answers to all your prayers.
Trust me.

I love you. Whoever you are. even when you think that you do not deserve being loved.
you do.
Keep on reading!
please smile because you are gorgeous.