Priori Incantatem [HARRY POTTER FANFICTION]

Chapter 27: Beards, Bows, and Bafflements

Chapter 27: Beards, Bows, and Bafflements

James eased open the back door of his family's country house and tiptoed into the kitchen, trying to make as little noise as possible. His parents were likely to be at work; Ministry employees had very little time off these days. But just in case they were here, James didn't want to alert them to the fact that he was home.

"How did it go?" inquired a voice. James jumped three feet in the air before he recognized the voice as belonging to Sirius.

"Badly," James sighed, turning round to face his best friend.

"How badly?" Sirius wanted to know, the corners of his lips twitching.

"I - er - spiked Lily's sister's tea with Beardsley's Beard-All Brew," James admitted sheepishly.

"You did?" Sirius snorted with laughter. "Isn't she getting married soon?"

"In five days," James replied in a small voice.

"Lily's gonna kill you!" Sirius was hooting with laughter by now. "That stuff takes weeks to wear off completely!" he managed before he became thoroughly incapable of coherent speech.

"Laugh it up, Padfoot," James said sourly to his rollicking friend. "I'll bloody well remember this when it's YOUR turn, you arse."

"Whatever did the bride do to deserve to wear a full beard on her wedding day?" Sirius asked smarmily after he had taken a few deep breaths and calmed down somewhat.

"She said some really nasty things to Lily, I couldn't let her get away with that!" James defended himself.

"Why was she being nasty to Lily?" Sirius frowned slightly.

"For absolutely no good reason!" James was indignant. Sirius merely looked at him. 

"She was a bit hysterical because Lily's owl delivered some mail and then she got REALLY hysterical after I Stunned her fiancée," James admitted grudgingly.

"You Stunned Lily's sister's fiancé?" Sirius howled, tears practically streaming down his face. "This just keeps getting better and better!"

"The stupid git deserved it," James was merciless. "He was chucking things at Lily's owl because it had scared Petunia - "

"Petunia?" Sirius was confused.

"Lily's sister is called Petunia," James explained.

"No she isn't," Sirius dismissed this ludicrous idea.

"She really IS called Petunia," James insisted.

"She can't be, it has to be some sort of cruel nickname," Sirius refused to believe it.

"Sirius, Petunia is the absolute LAST person in the world ANYONE would nickname, trust me," James said earnestly.

"But NOBODY - "

"SIRIUS! WILL YOU JUST SUSPEND YOUR BLOODY DISBELIEF AND LET ME GET ON WITH IT?!"

"All right, all right," Sirius huffed. "You were saying?"

"So Vernon, the fiancé, was chucking things at Lily's owl because it had scared Petunia -" Sirius shook his head in disbelief - "and Lily went to stop him, so he started chucking things at Lily and this fork nearly hit her eye - "

"Fork?" Sirius interrupted again.

"I think he'd thrown all of the food by then," James explained, "so he'd moved on to silverware. But the fork nearly hit Lily in the eye, which made me mad - I mean, why would anyone want to hurt LILY of all people? - so I Stunned him before there were any more close calls," James finished.