The Fire Within Us (ATLA Fanfic)

Chapter 6- Zuko

"Here." Iroh pushed a basket into Zuko's hands. "I threw together some things for your trip. Supplies to make tea, a couple snacks, a-"

Zuko set the basket down beside him on the ship and cut off Iroh by pulling him into a quick embrace. "I'll be fine, uncle. Don't worry."

Iroh sighed in gentle resignation. "I know you will; just watch out for yourself. Did you pack your thick socks? You know how cold it gets up there."

"Yeah, Zuko." Sokka nodded solemnly beside him. "Thick socks are an absolute essential if you can't take a little cold like a man."

Zuko rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "Don't make me regret inviting you."

He turned back to Iroh, who was still rambling on. "I'd come, but I've already been away from my tea shop for a month. Besides, these old bones can't take cold like they used to."

"I know. But we have to go; the captain is giving me dirty looks. I'll see you soon." Iroh circled his arms around Zuko's waist, and Zuko couldn't help but smile despite being slightly embarrassed because of the people surrounding them. "I love you, Uncle. Make sure General Mak doesn't burn the palace down."

Iroh nodded, pulling himself from Zuko and wiping at his eyes. "You couldn't have made me prouder." With that, he turned and walked down the gangplank.

The captain let out a soft sigh. "Finally." The ship made final preparations and before slowly pulling from the harbor. Zuko waved graciously at the crowd, then retreated into the ship and entered his quarters.

He shut the door behind him with a sigh and wearily crossed the room. Zuko plopped down on his bed, laying a forearm over his eyes as he rested his head against the pillow. It'd been a terrible week, and he was just happy to be getting away from his kingdom for a bit. Sokka and Anika were the only people he knew well that were coming along, and he wouldn't have it any other way. He needed some space from the people who counted on him while he tried to figure himself out.

A knock sounded on his door. Zuko stifled a groan. "Yes?"

"Diplomat Anika has a message for you, Fire Lord. She says it's urgent."

Zuko didn't move from his position lying on the bed with his arm covering his face. "Let her in, then." The door opened and closed with a click. "What is it?" Zuko mumbled.

"The sages wanted me to alert you about a critical issue. It would seem that the Fire Lord has become incapable of sitting up and looking at people when they greet him with news."

"Ha. Ha. Anika, you've seen me when I was a-" Zuko took his free arm and waved it vaguely in the air. "Angry ponytail guy and attacking you with fire blasts. There's no coming back from that. Formalities are wasted energy at this point."

"Someone's a little ball of sunshine today," Anika said, irritation lacing her words. "I just thought I'd let you know that Mai dissapeared last night and no one knows where she went."

"She went to go live with her aunt," Zuko informed Anika immediately. "Left yesterday right after she broke up with me."

"Zuko, I-I didn't know. I'm sorry."

"Yeah." Zuko moved his arm from his eyes as he turned his back on Anika to face the wall. "I am too."

There was a moment of silence, then, "Did she say why? You guys seemed fine."

Zuko didn't say anything as he wrestled with himself in his mind. He wanted to vent, but the the thing he needed to get out of his system was something he wasn't proud of. He didn't want anyone to know about it. Then again, he was pretty sure Anika didn't want people to know about her past, and that hadn't stopped him from eavesdropping. He supposed trusting her with this would make them even on the whole 'secrets' thing.

He rolled over and sat up on the edge of his bed, gaze firmly fixed on his boots. "I've gone to my dad's prison cell a couple times for advice on how to rule. Mai was angry that I didn't tell her about it and left."

Anika sat down beside him on the bed. "I see."

Zuko snapped his head up and looked at her in surprise. "That's it? No, 'Zuko, how could you? Your dad is the last person you should be taking advice from! He'll turn you evil!' or anything?"

"Well, I could say that," Anika mused. She looked into his eyes, steadily holding his gaze. "But you already know all those things, don't you?"

"Yeah." Zuko reached up and rubbed his eyes tiredly. "I guess I do."

Anika's next words were soft. "Then why did you do it?"

Zuko sighed. "I'm just so lost. I was banished when I was thirteen, Anika. I never prepared for the position of Fire Lord. I didn't have a chance to. All of a sudden I have so many expectations and responsibilities, and it's overwhelming. Every day I'm confronted with important decisions where there's no black and white solution–just gray areas. No matter what I do, a side ends up angry and disappointed. And theeen someone tries to assassinate me." Zuko pulled the golden flame from his topknot and turned it over in his hand. "My father may have been running things the wrong way, but he had things under control. He had respect. Sometimes I wonder..."

Zuko closed his eyes, ashamed of his next words. "Sometimes I wonder if being loved as a ruler really is better than being feared." He stood from the bed and paced up and down the room. "You can make everyone fear you, but you can't make everyone love you. There are just too many conflicting sides."

"Well, you have one thing right." Zuko stopped pacing as he took in Anika's calm tone, and his fears of being judged faded. It was kinda nice to have someone to talk to who took everything he said in stride. "Being feared is a lot easier than being loved. That's why so many cowards turn to it. But fear brings war, death, and hurt."

Anika stood and walked to him, and her eyes lingered on his scar for a moment. "You know that firsthand. You've also seen things during your banishment that won't let you turn to that kind of leadership, even if it crosses your mind in your dark, confused moments. You're one of my best friends, Zuko. You're caring, loving, and wise. I can't think anyone more capable of leading the Fire Nation into a golden age of peace and prosperity."

Zuko's heart swelled as he looked at his friend. "You mean that?"

"Of course I do. And when things get rough, I'm always here to talk to and help as best as I can. All of your friends are."

"Thanks," Zuko murmured. He smiled at her as the thought of kissing her suddenly crossed his mind. No. He'd just broken up with his girlfriend yesterday. He couldn't ask to kiss a girl who probably didn't even like him that way so soon afterwards. Even if she was kind and understanding and attractive-

Zuko blinked hard and quickly moved his hand to his side. He smiled wearily. "I think I'm going to try to get some sleep."

"Oh. Right, of course." Anika smiled and backed up towards the door. "You need your rest."

"Thanks for the talk. It really helped clear my head." Well, morally. Not exactly romantically. 

Anika smiled as she opened the door to leave. "Any time, Zu."