The Fire Within Us (ATLA Fanfic)

Chapter 18- Zuko

Sorry I'm a day late, everyone. It's been a crazy week. This chapter is more or less a short filler, but I hope you enjoy it regardless. <3

Zuko bowed his head sleepily as he sat on the stool next to Anika's bed, struggling to keep his sleep-deprived body awake. It had been three days since the attack. Anika was locked in an intense fever, fading in and out of consciousness. Katara and a small army of the most renowned healers in the nation had been working on her almost nonstop. Zuko took every moment of peace and inactivity to sit at her bedside, as if his presence might be able to be pull her out of the haze of delirium she was suspended in.

"Zuko... Z-Zuko." Zuko's head snapped up as soon as Anika began stammering, her voice hoarse and feverish.

"Shh, it's okay." Zuko immediately stood from his stool and leaned over her. He cupped the side of her face with one hand and gently turned her head so her eyes rested on his. "Go back to sleep."

Anika blinked a few times in confusion, her eyes slightly out of focus. Then her whimpers continued. "W-where is Zuko? What did you do to him?"

"Anika, I'm right here." Zuko's free hand found Anika's palm and squeezed it gently. He winced at the amount of heat that pulsed from it--she was burning up. Fevers tended to hit firebenders more aggressively than other people. "I'm right here," he repeated helplessly.

Anika jerked her hand from his. "G-get away from me! You hurt Zuko, didn't you?" The tears pooled in Anika's eyes spilled over onto her cheeks, and she let out a weak sob. "Why are you doing this?"

Zuko felt pressure building behind his own eyes as he looked on helplessly. "Anika, it's me. I'm fine, dammit." In a last-ditch effort, he spread open Anika's clenched fist and brought it to his face.

Anika's cries faded into hiccups as her hand ran over his features and came to rest over the ruined skin of his scar. "Zuko." Her hoarse whisper was tinged with relief and peace.

"That's right." Zuko sank back into his chair, keeping her hand held securely on his scar. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Okay." Anika's voice sounded slightly off as the fever stripped her of all but her most basic personality. "Hey. I love you, Zu."

Zuko tried to laugh warmly, but the sound came out cracked as his heart tried to wrench itself from his chest. He collected himself before whispering, "I love you too, Fire lily."

"I'm... glad," Anika mumbled. Zuko could tell that she was relaxing, slipping back into slumber. Soon her chest rose and fell with the deep, measured breaths of sleep. Zuko eased her hand off of his scar and clutched it in both of his as he closed his eyes tiredly.

He heard the door open and then softly shut. Familiar footsteps crossed the room. Zuko didn't open his weary eyes to see who it was as a hand gripped his shoulder with a steady, comforting pressure. He didn't need to. "Uncle. How did you get here from Ba Sing Se so fast?"

"The Avatar was kind enough to fly me here on his sky bison. Not my favorite mode of transportation, I must admit, but I'm needed here. How are you holding up?"

Zuko swallowed hard and forced his eyes open to gaze at his girlfriend's still form. He gently set the hand he was holding down on the bed before clenching his fists. "I thought that after being scarred and banished, I'd experienced the most pain and shame anyone could possibly feel. I thought I was strong because I'd never go through anything worse than that." Zuko's voice hardened. "I was wrong. I caused this, uncle. Knowing that is killing me inside more. I was-I am-weak."

"That is where you're wrong, Zuko."

Zuko flew to his feet and spun to face his uncle. "Really? Then why did I let pride blind me when I chose to let Kuzen go after he threatened me and the people I love? Why was I so arrogant and stupid? How come I couldn't save Anika from being hurt by my stupid choices?" Zuko angrily blinked back the tears collecting in his eyes. Weak, weak, weak. "Katara is trying to stay positive, but the other healers think that Anika's not going to make it. I can't stand it, uncle. I can't live with myself."

"Do you know why Kuzen hurt Anika?" Iroh reached forward and clutched the sides of Zuko's arms for emphasis. "He wanted to make you doubt yourself like this. My nephew, you have to understand that the attack was Kuzen's fault, not yours. You must not torture yourself over the actions of another."

"So I'm not allowed to feel terrible? Zuko tore himself from his uncle's grasp and dropped back into his chair with a dull thump. "I'm not allowed to be furious?"

Iroh sighed. "Those emotions are right and natural, but just make sure you are directing them at the real perpetrators and not yourself."

"I'll work at forgiving myself if she lives." Zuko's voice was cold and hollow as he cradled his head in his hands. He took a shaky breath. "Just... just tell me she'll live."

"Zuko," Iroh murmured. His voice was gentle but firm, the meaning clear: you know I can't do that.

Zuko rubbed his closed eyes and slowly shook his head. "This is pathetic, isn't it? I'm acting so wounded, you'd think I was the one who got attacked and not Anika."

Iroh's hand found Zuko's shoulder again. "No more pathetic than how I acted after my son's passing. The only difference is that Lu Ten was gone. Anika is still alive. I cannot promise that she will live, but I can remind you that she is strong and stubborn. Anika won't give in to this without a fight."

Zuko nodded and straightened in his chair with a weary sigh. After a couple beats of silence, Iroh began to absentmindedly hum the song Zuko had become familiar with over the years: "Leaves from the Vine". The gentle, somewhat sorrowful notes oddly filled Zuko with acceptance and something like peace.

After a minute or two, Iroh paused and tugged curiously at something in Zuko's hair. "What are these?"

"Huh?" Zuko brought a hand to the back of his neck and fingered the trio of little braids buried under his hair. He must have somehow forgotten about them since Anika's birthday. She'd knotted them well; they'd survived a couple weeks of washing and being pulled into top knots. "Oh. These are warrior weaves. In the water tribes, they symbolize great bravery."

Iroh's next word was surprised and thoughtful. "Really?"

Zuko shook his head. "Nah. They just symbolize an annoying girlfriend."

Iroh chuckled gently. "Careful. If Anika hears you, she might just wake up and slap you across the face."

Zuko smiled as sadness and love slammed together in his chest, twisting and swirling as each wrestled the other to get the upper hand. "I wouldn't be surprised."

He gazed at Anika's slumbering face, relaxed and peaceful and very much alive. It was beautiful despite the cuts and bruises strewn across it. For the first time since he had found her crumpled beside the statue, Zuko allowed himself to hope.