Can't Buy Me Love

Chapter Nineteen

As the door closed behind him Marina collapsed against it panting with nervousness, fear and a strong surge of anger. Locking all the doors, she climbed the stairs, and headed to bed. But as predicted, sleep eluded her as her body and mind tried to comprehend what it meant to have him back again. She honestly thought she’d never see him again.

The next morning she could barely manage breakfast; she sipped a coffee and toyed with a bowl of cereal, but ate very little. Nausea sat like a huge lump in her throat, and she could barely swallow the coffee. She deliberated for an age in front of her wardrobe...what to wear! She ended up wearing skinny jeans and a roll neck black jumper that she knew flattered her figure and some chunky silver jewellery. Her hair was longer than when she’d last seen him, rather than a short boyish cut, it was feathered around her head in a pixie cut, but it was still jet black, and easy to style. She deliberately avoided make up, she didn’t want him to think she was trying too hard, that this mattered to her.

The cafe was a short stroll away, and so she grabbed her bag and umbrella and ventured out into the unpredictable winter morning. Braving the wind and the start of a rainstorm, she burst into the cafe with a crash. Looking up she saw an empty table then made her way to it, ordering a coffee as she went. There was a trashy tabloid paper on the table, so she browsed it as she waited. She felt the door open, and sensed him before she actually saw him, looking up her eyes met his immediately and she could see him release a breath; he was obviously relieved that was here, he’d doubted she would come. As he snaked his way through the tables he was glancing around the room, checking it out she realised. Looking for what? People who still wanted to hurt her? How had she missed this analytical and suspicious side of him in the months they spent together?

                “I’m glad you came.” He sat opposite her and smiled.

                “I am a person of my word Na..Adam, I can’t get used to your change in name.” She offered with a nervous laugh.

He rolled his eyes, “It’s just a name.”

Marina shook her head, “to say that...well it speaks volumes, to me my name was...IS everything. I’ve hated being Anne-Marie the last eighteen months.”

As a waiter approached with her coffee he ordered himself one along with some toast. There was an uncomfortable silence between them and Adam had to break it first.

                “Look Marina, I came here because for the last eighteen months you’ve occupied my every thought, Ben kept you hidden, gloating every moment, but I kept on him. I wanted this chance to see you more than anything; I know that I’ve been a bastard, that I’ve done things wrong. But maybe that’s because I’ve worked alone for so long, I’m not used to having to consider anyone else.”

She nodded knowingly, “so ignorance is bliss? I understand your work commitments, I know you had a job to do...but the day after my father was arrested you could have come and told me everything. Explained it all. I’d have been upset, but I’d at least been informed. Instead what happened? You came and took me to bed, broke down my defences even further, so that when the shit hit the fan it ruined me. A lot of that could have been prevented, but you’d have missed out on a shag. Was the choice you made worth it?”

Spelt out like that it seemed so much worse than he remembered. When he set his eyes on her last night he’d felt like a man who’d found water in a desert after days of drought, she looked the same, yet so different, and whilst he approved of the change in her appearance, the increased curves, the mature way she was dressed, held herself, he saw the pain in her eyes and knew that she’d been forced to grow up, that all that had happened to her had had such a huge impact on her. That wicked glint in her eye was now replaced by suspicion, mistrust and anger. And who could blame her. He COULD have done things differently. He knew that now, but he also knew that he’d not known how.