the big wolf is chasing me / living hell. ( Paused)

The french girl

You think that it is okay to parade like that just because you are going to college  now. Ha-ha, don't delude yourself you are just a  dumb fuck and you will probably fail all of your class. Haha, I dont even understand how you going into college with your grades. Did you fuck someone to get in ? You think just because you act innocent you think people will believe you. Well , I know better."

"Ta geule,  (shut up )"I mumble.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing"

I should just..... Just because you speak French you think you some hot shit now. Huh, you think I cant understand shit. Never mind you piece Shit!!!!!! GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!!!! "

Slowly, I count the number of curse words my foster mother was able to put in a sentence- was it ten, twenty. I lost count .I tell you she e must have a gift. You must wondered why I was so calm right. Well, you see I was used to it by now. I have been listening to talk like that for the past 4 years and believe me I was just counting the days when I will be able to tell her where she could put it . But to tell you the true, I was not that brave as you might thought. I was scared, of Christy my witch foster mother, of the kids at school and of the world. I was a scared good for nothing 18 year old senior who could only be brave in her own mind while being a coward in real life.

"What are you waiting for, and don't forget to wash your dishes."

Slowly, I put down my bowl of cereal and wash it as fast as possible... I could feel Christy glare piercing through my back, making me squint. I finish rinsing it and put the bowl in the rack next to me. Just as fast, I walked through the small kitchen and through the living room making sure not to past the lady of the house and speed walked up the stairs. While I wanted to get to my room as soon as possible, I made sure not to run up the stairs. This act alone, could get me into big trouble.

Reaching the door to my room was like reaching a save heaven. At least that was what I felt. Not that It was anything to brag about. It was small and cramp. With a small queen side bed pushed in a corner and a miniature table where I could barely put a lamp. All the furniture where from Salvation Army and Goodwill and so where my clothes. But I didn't mind .While , my mother or Madame Tanned as I like to call her in my native language , was an evil witch .who would run her mouth for centuries if she could live that long , she was not that bad. Well not as bad as other foster parents. She didn't starve us and didn't beat us. Well, me at least. Jack, my foster brother used to get it all the time. But only because, he was a good for nothing lying and gambling idiot who always stole from her to pay off some debt or something. Unfortunetly, he left about a year ago. He told me that he would come back for me while I knew the probabilities of him ever coming back were slim I still hope for. While we were 3 years apart , we still got along fine. He was funny and was the only one who I felt would always be there for me . He was  the first one to give me a real smile and the first one that I like since I came to the USA.  

By the 6 month ,that he left I started to lose hope. If he couldnt even keep his promise of writing me every 2 months , I knew that it he might never come back.Trusting in him to have't have much trust in him havea success story in gambling and becoming my knight in shining armor that will come rescue media just prayer that he was still alive somewhere and that he was smart not to have slept with someone s wife and run off with her money.

With a sight I fell face down on my bed. Aww, I could stay like this forever, not. Slowly I move to my side and looked raised my head at a 45 degree and looked at the peeling wall of my room. I never could look at the ceiling. Something about the greenish ceiling made me feel depressed. Maybe it was because it was so low or the room was so tiny either way or maybe because it made me feel like I would be stuck in this room, house forever. Become a bitter and evil person like her, with nothing but regrets in her life and the only way she could ever feel better is to put others down. No, I didn't want to end up like Christy and I had too much to offer to the world. I had to much potential, to waste in a shit whole place like this. No, I will be become the person that my mom, my real mother wanted me to be. I will show everyone that Melanie was more than the "French girl" or the "weird girl" I was a human with big dream and aspirations and I will make them come true no matter what.