Healer

Chapter 17

After hours of seething in my room silently, I've garnered enough courage to knock on his study door.

"I'm busy."

I clear my throat, licking my lips nervously. "Do you want me to come back then?"

"No... no. Come in."

I open the door slowly, biting my lip. He looks up from his hands, seated at his desk. I shut the door behind me and step forward, bracing myself.

"I'm... sorry."

He shakes his head, sighing. "No, I'm- I am. I'm sorry for blowing up like that on ye."

I stare at him, surprised to hear him apologize. He chuckles tiredly at my expression.

"Aye, I know how to apologize, Gillian."

"No, it's just- I'm surprised... that's all. I thought you'd-"

"Yell, holler, beat ye?"

I remain silent as he stands, coming around the wood structure. I back up slightly as he reaches to touch my hair.

"I deserve your fear. I hurt ye, badly before. I'm- I am a violent man."

"You don't have to be... You can control it."

"Just barely. I've wanted so many times to take ye to bed against your will, to shake ye till you told me ye loved me. I'm so violent for ye that I dinnae know what to do... Are ye scared?"

I nod, moving back. "But- I know you won't. You're a good man under all of that. I know you are."

"Ye don't know me at all, do you?"

I turn, closing my eyes. "Lachlan... I don't know what you're trying to tell me."

"I'm telling ye that I'm a brute that's willing to wait in an unearthly rage for ye-until ye don't think of him anymore."

I smile softly, nodding and he moves closer, pulling me into an embrace. I close my eyes against his chest, calmed. "I don't think I've ever listened to you when you've told me you loved me."

"... And are ye listenin' now?"

I nod. "I am."

...

Mistress Neilson,

I cannot believe it's been seven months since I lost Josephine. It's not her legal name- but we felt it was important to name her. I find myself at her grave, more and more, wishing that I were able to get pregnant again. It happened so easily the first time- I don't know why we can't do it now.

It's been so long since I've seen you. I've meant to write sooner but it's been busy lately. I'd love to have you come stay with us- as our guest. I spoke to Lachlan about it and he would love to see Knox again.

If it's not a good time or ye cannot make the travel here, I understand. But, please write. I'd love to know how you have been.

With admiration,

Gillian

"Gillian?"

I set down the quill and hum. "Yes?"

"Milord needs ye, Mistress."

"I'll find him, Mildred. Thank you," I murmur, smiling wide at her. "How is your son? I haven't seen him around lately."