Healer

Chapter 19

I'm folding my thick stockings slowly when Lachlan finally makes his appearance, shutting the door quietly behind him. The castle is quiet now, everyone retired to sleep. Or bed at least.

I glance over at him awkwardly, setting them down. He doesn't say anything which is unusual- just smiles softly. I return it and clear my throat.

"I like having people here," I say, trying to produce conversation.

"Aye, it does liven up the place," he replies, removing his boots. I wait for him to say more but when it doesn't come, decide on climbing into bed instead.

I'm having a hard time concealing my desire to find Callan, speak to him. I know, however, that I can't do that tonight so sleep is my best option. I'll wake up sooner. Resting into the mattress, I tuck my hands beneath my pillow and sigh.

"I've never been so exhausted," I utter, yawning for effect.

"Aye?" The bed falls as he climbs into it beside me.

"Yeah..." The word slows toward the end when he scoots closer to my body, forming his behind mine. I become shielded by his large arms as he moves against me, the evidence of his wanting against my backside.

Dear God.

I grimace when his hands drift over my breasts, down my stomach and over my hip.

"Lachlan-"

His reply is a hum against my shoulder.

"I'm-I'm tired-"

"I'll be quick," he replies, pulling down the material on my shoulder. "Ye looked so beautiful tonight."

I resist slightly when his hand covers my bare breast. "T-thank you but-"

"I am your husband and you are my wife," he says, sterner.

"In other words, I should perform my duties? I have to?"

"I would like ye to do this willingly, especially considering ye know what I must be feeling presently."

"What you must be feeling? You?" I whisper, awed. "How about what I feel? Huh?"

"Gillian-"

"I'm trying... I'm trying to be here- with you. Isn't that enough?"

"No," he says, turning my face to his. I stare at him, my heart beating wildly. I'm sure he can feel it. "No, it's not! I want ye here! I want ye to grab me and kiss me and reassure me that I am what ye want!"

"We're married! We've been married for almost two years now! I'm already yours."

"Ye ken what I mean," he says, shaking my face gently. His face is contorted in concern, the fear evident in his darkly hued eyes. After a moment, I nod, knowing there is no other way around this.

He's cornered me so deeply in the wall that I have no way out of it except to go through him.

"Yes... I know."

He caresses my face, shaking his head. "Kiss me, Gillian. Love me tonight."

I press my lips together, feeling a deeply-rooted anger I haven't felt toward him in a very long time. This isn't the man I've come to know, this is the man I married. A man who is lost and confused and territorial. A manipulator.

I close my eyes and reopen them slowly, reaching for his face. His beard is rough beneath my fingers. I slowly move my hand lower, touching the softer hair on his chest and he closes his eyes, bending his head down to take my lips with a harsh passion.

I take all he has at full force and silently. I don't make a sound, no matter how hard he moves within me or pulls my hair, consumed in his lust. When his body loses it's rigidness, spent, he presses his mouth to my shoulder, sighing while I stare out through the window, unfeeling.

He clasps my hand and pulls it close to his chest, falling asleep not one limb apart. As he wanted.

...

"I spoke to him... to Callan," Ann states, combing through my hair slowly. I look up from the window to the mirror and raise my brows, tiredly.

"What did he say?"

"Not much, actually. He was- colder than I remember."

"He saw me with Lachlan yesterday."

"That explains that then... Did ye speak with him?"

"I couldn't," I whisper, shaking my head. "Lachlan wouldn't let me. I'm trapped... I'm fucking trapped here."

Absorbed in my present anger, I don't even look up to see what her reaction was to my harsh tone. I shake my head.

"Maybe... ye should go look for him now, while Lachlan is out with the men."

"He assured me that I'd be watched while he was away."

"Aye? That is bad."

I clear my throat, sniffling lightly. "I'll be fine. I just have to get through this week and he'll be gone."

"Who?"

"... Both of them."

...

"Mistress, ye must go. Milord is askin' for ye. He's been searchin' high and low," Lottie exclaims, exasperatedly for the umpteenth time. I nod, setting down a bowl for Ann. She begins to set the tatties into it and nods.

"Aye, ye must go now. If Lachlan saw ye in here with the guests waitin', he'd be damned crazed at ye."

I dust the powder from my face with my fingers, flushed. "Alright... alright. I'm going."

Reluctantly, I turn for the doorway, in no hurry to find the man I call my husband. I stare at my feet, clicking against the stone, occupied in only my thoughts and nothing else.

The quiet halls echo with every footstep, making it easy to notice when I'm not alone anymore. Looking up, I catch sight of MacCallan standing by a doorway and stop in my tracks. Within seconds, I'm pressed up against a wall, hidden from his view.

From their view.

I struggle for breath and peek around the corner, daring another look at the woman with him. I remember her from before, years ago when he still lived here. She would follow him everywhere- most women did- but she was different.

I felt jealous around her. The way she'd brush against him at supper or fake an injury to spend time with him. And now- while I watch her reach to tuck a strand of his hair behind his ear- I turn again, blinking away the water that threatens.

Their voices are soft and inaudible. I close my eyes and wish to go back to when he hadn't arrived. To where I could remember a time where I was the only woman he could think of loving.

My clothing feels tight and constricting, suffocating the air from my lungs. I don't know how long I'm there, but when my eyes open again, Mildred is before me, mouth turned down in confusion.

"Mistress Gillian, are ye alright?"

I stare at her for a moment before my eyes close in regret and I let out a soft grunt uncomfortably. "I'm fine."

"But you're- crying."

I wipe the tears with fierce swipes of my palms, angrily. "I'm fine."

I turn the corner in a rush, glancing up to find both MacCallan and the girl to be staring in my direction, no doubt having heard Mildred. As I pass them, I stare at his face long enough to watch the sudden surprise behind his beautiful features.

I avoid the girl at all costs.

"Gillian."

While my eyes close in remembrance at the sound of his voice, I keep moving, unwilling to stop. 

A/N: Probably double updating tonight. xx