The Only Reason

Chapter 4

Oww... I looked down at my wrists. Each one had about six new scars, which stung painfully. Glancing at the door to make sure the lock was pushed in, I pressed the razor against my skin again, creating another red line. Blood bubbled from my skin.

Okay, that was enough to hold me over for a little while.

I took a red wash cloth (red so that in case anyone found it before it washed, they wouldn't see any blood) and dried all of my cuts as best as I could, wincing. After that, I dampened it with peroxide.

The thing about peroxide is that stings like hell.

I took a deep breath and started to clean the cuts, hissing in pain occasionally, my eyes watering. It definitely hurt. 

Well, they had stopped bleeding because I hadn't gone very deep, and I slipped my bracelets back over my wrists, looking at myself in the mirror. They weren't visible. Well, maybe there was a tiny line of red, but if I put the pink and red beaded bracelet there to cover it... There. Now no one would see that I fucked up again.

Cutting is so weird. After you cut, you feel like you can hang on for a little while until you feel the urge again. The urge is awful, it's like an itch, but not one you can scratch. The itch is like you have to run something sharp against your skin.

I think Michael suspected me. He saw me fiddling with my bracelets a lot and always stared at after I come out of the bathroom, even if it was after a pee or a shower and not cutting. Maybe I'd have to start wearing long sleeves, just to be safe, because I knew for a fact that Michael would tell Ashton if he found out what I was doing to myself. Same with Luke and Calum. They cared too much about both of us to not.

After coming out of the bathroom, I saw Michael stare at me. I smiled at him and cocked my head innocently. He smiled back, almost looking relieved.

Yep, definitely wearing long sleeves tomorrow,  I told myself.

"We have Nerf guns!" Ashton grinned at me, and tossed me a blue plastic gun.

"How old are you, Bro-Bro? Twenty-two? And you still play with Nerf guns?" I asked, also grinning.

"And what's wrong with that?" Luke asked defensively. "Nerf guns are awesome. You can shoot people and not actually kill them. It's good fun."

"Blackout or Fifteen Seconds?" asked Michael. "I vote Blackout."

"Blackout." Ashton echoed, passing me some foam ammo, "And you're required to play, sis."

I giggled and loaded my gun. Blackout was awesome.

We had two ways to play: Blackout, and Fifteen Seconds. The one we were playing was the most simple, if you got shot three times, you're out. Last person standing wins. It was my favorite over Fifteen Seconds (in which if you get shot once, you have to wait for fifteen seconds before you can play again. Game only ends when everyone gets too tired), because I found it more challenging.

Mallory tossed her hair and scoffed. She obviously thought she was too grown-up for Nerf wars.

"The base is Cam's bed." Calum decided. "You only get five seconds per break, and no puppy guarding. We have ten seconds to get in position and to decide alliances."

"Cam, want to have an alliance?" Luke asked. I nodded. We both knew that once Cal and Ash were out, we would have to turn on each other.

"Okay, starting... Now!" Ashton started to shoot at me. 

I dropped to the floor and scooted around the table, collecting stray darts from Calum and Ashton's guns, and started firing. Luke pushed down in between my shoulder blades, making us both duck and saving me from a lethal hit.

"Thanks, Lukey."

"No problem. Ash is behind your bed, but he isn't on base. Cover me."

"Got it."

Luke got on all fours and crawled against the wall. I followed, looking every which way for Calum, who I could no longer see. Where was he hiding?

I heard a Nerf gun fire and then Ashton swore. He stood up, pouting. "You're an ass, Luke."

"This is war. I did what I had to- Shit!"

Michael jumped up from behind the couch. "That was a neck shot. You're dead."

"Wow, I almost forgot you were playing. Well, Luke just shot my partner. Alliance?" Calum asked. 

"No. The Shadow must always work alone." Michael said dramatically, and pointed the Nerf gun at me. Before he could fire, I did. He ducked just in time.

While we were both distracted, Calum shot at both of us. I rolled out of the way and back behind the table, counting my darts. My stock was dangerously low. There was only two left, enough for only two perfect shots if I wanted to win. 

I took a deep breath, trying to focus. This needed to count.

Listening for the right moment, I leapt up from behind the table, hitting Calum in the chest with a dart. He looked surprised and dropped his gun. 

"I could hear you sneaking up on me. Your new converse make a weird sound on the carpet!" I explained.

Calum started to laugh, but I didn't know why. Then I realized he was looking right behind me.

I whirled, lifting the barrel of my gun. Ashton and Luke were cheering for who they wanted to win, and Mallory had long since stopped paying attention and was engrossed in her mirror.

"This is the end of the line, Camden." Michael said seriously.

"I don't know Michael, is it?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. I sent up a quick prayer and fired, hoping that it would hit home... 

It didn't.

Michael did an expert evil laugh an shot me. I fell and pretended to die, and then sat up again, grinning.

"Bam! First round, Michael!" Michael pumped his fist. 

"And you were the first one out." I teased Ash, bumping him with my elbow. He rolled his eyes at me.

"No need to be so mean, especially when I was rooting for you the whole time after me." He said, pretending to have his feelings hurt. I giggled and he ruffled my hair.

Mallory wedged her way between us, capturing his lips with her own for a passionate kiss. She hated it when Ashton gave me more attention than her, and right now, she had taken it and pointed it directly on herself.

I frowned and looked at my feet, but not before I saw a strange look cross Michael's face... One of... Annoyance? What?

Looking back up, I saw indeed that Michael definitely was giving Mallory an annoyed look. Why was that? What did he suspect of her?

I knew that in a heartbeat Mallory would tell everyone my secret, especially if Michael or anyone else confronted her about anything. That wouldn't be good. Especially for Ashton. I mean, mom died only last November, and right now, he needed support, not a depressed and disgusting little sister to worry abou. Did I need support, too? Maybe a little, but not as much as Ashton, especially considering the accident...

Shaking my head, I looked down at my bracelets. Long sleeves tomorrow was a must.