Without You

Prologue

April 2005

I'm waiting for him to come home like I always do.

It's actually his parent's house but ever since Ben and I started dating a year and a half ago I spend most of my time here. Ben's parents instantly liked me and trusted me enough to give me a key to their house so I could come over whenever I wanted. This house has become my second home. Not to say that I don't love my parent's house but ever since I moved into my own apartment the summer after I graduated high school, it's easier to just come over here and spend some time with him. I keep checking the clock and wondering why it's almost midnight and he hasn't come through the door yet.   

Just breathe. I've been telling myself this about a thousand times for the past hour waiting for Ben to come home from work.  

When I first met Ben, I was a junior in high school and he was a freshman. I saw his sparkling blue eyes and it felt like I was looking into the ocean, right when the sun is about to disappear behind the horizon, leaving all of the sparkles on the water. He was tall, lean and had chocolate brown hair that had just a bit of a wave that hung slightly over his eyebrows. He wasn't like anyone else at my school. Even though he teased me most of the time, I noticed that he would look at me as if I was the only girl worth any of his time. 

One day after school he asked me if I wanted to go ice skating with him and before his parents picked us up outside of the ice rink he asked me to be his girlfriend. Ben and I dated for a month of my junior year before I broke up with him because at the time I didn't see anything long term with him. Once my senior year started, I realized I thought about Ben all the time and knew I wanted him to be a part of my life.

Benjamin Hays had a grip on my heart from the moment I laid eyes on him and I wasn't about to let him slip through my fingers without telling him how I felt, regardless of the outcome.

One day after school I threw all of my doubt and insecurity out the window. I found him leaning against the music building talking to one of his friends.

I took a deep breath, "Ben, I need to talk to you. This is very important and I need to get this off my chest." It's like the words spilled out of me so fast that I couldn't keep up with the thoughts in my brain.

"Okay, yeah." His friend shook his head and walked back inside the building, saying "Alright man, see you later."

Ben says good bye to his friend before turning back to me. I was too nervous to look at him so I stared at the ground. It seemed as though hours had passed, I realized I had been counting the cracks in the concrete.

"Em, you said you wanted to talk to me. What's going on?" I looked up at him and once I saw the concern in his eyes, I felt confident enough to continue.

"I still like you and I want to try dating again and I understand if you don't want to. I know it's been a while but I just had to tell you."

Ben was several inches taller than me despite him being almost two years younger than me. I was unfortunately handed the short genes in my family and had peaked at a mere five feet and one inch. I was about to say something to break the silence when he started to close the several feet between us. He looked down at me into my eyes, I felt like I might melt from the heat his presence gave me.

Finally, Ben said, "Em, you can't imagine how long I've waited to hear you say those words. All I've ever wanted was you. It will only ever be you."

I stared into those bright blue eyes that I had missed so much and couldn't hold back the tears any longer. How could I have taken so long to realize what my heart really wanted? How could I have denied my love for him when I felt like I couldn't live without him a moment longer?