Without You

Chapter 5

I scrape some left-over food from the plates I picked up from one of my tables into the trash can and place it into the rack to slide into the dishwasher. Gill's is only open for lunch on the weekends so when Cam and I woke up this morning, I showered and changed into fresh work clothes. Convincing myself that it was going to be a good day at the restaurant. He dropped me off and then went home to change before his shift at Cheddar's. 

On the ride to work, we didn't talk about what happened last night because there isn't much we could do about it. As I sat in the passenger seat, watching the scenery blur past us in a sea of colors, I kept telling myself that we could just remain friends. I would rather keep Cam as friend than nothing at all. I wanted to believe that I really felt that way but, I'm afraid that I may have just been trying to convince myself that that was the right thing to do. We were both making simple conversation throughout the drive but whenever I would glance at Cam, I could see him periodically tightening his grip on the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white. Although he smiled and laughed throughout our conversation, I could tell that last night was bothering him in some way.

After Cam dropped me off, I immediately walked to the prep station and began to cut some lemons before we opened. I started thinking about my relationship with Robby. By the time I had sliced the last lemon I decided that what I felt for Cam was so much more than what I felt for Robby and I would have to end it. That kiss held more meaning than anything I had ever felt with Robby and I haven't felt something like that in a long time. The fact of the matter was, Robby was never truly mine and I was never his. The fluttering feeling in my stomach was like greeting an old friend. I know that I might not ever be able to love anyone like I did Ben but I can't ignore the way my body reacts around Cam. Whenever he's around, I feel my heart speed up and my palms begin to sweat. It wouldn't be fair to string Robby along in my confusion. Especially when I know that if I have these feelings for Cam, then what's the point in being with Robby? I still wasn't exactly sure if Cam even saw anything with me, but regardless whether he did or not, I needed to end this relationship with Robby.

After I finished filling the butter cups, I went to the bathroom and texted Robby, asking him to meet me at my apartment later tonight so that we could talk. Now as the lunch crowd is beginning to die out and we're about to switch into the dinner shift, Robby still hasn't responded.

I had just dropped off a refill to the last customer I had left before my break when I turn around and see Sara standing against the wall between the bar and the entrance to the kitchen.

I give her a bright smile as I approach her. "Hey, Sara. What are you doing here?"

I can tell she's nervous because she's constantly shifting her weight from one leg to the other. Almost like she waited too long to go to the bathroom.

I laugh as I point my finger in the direction of the restrooms right next to our signature Willie Nelson corner. "The bathroom's right over there if you have to go."

Sara groans, "I know where the bathroom is Em, sheesh." She flashes a quick smile before her face turns serious. "I came to tell you something but I'm afraid you might be upset. I know you're at work but, this couldn't wait."

"What is it? Just tell me." My heart drops thinking that this must be something serious if she came to my work. I have no idea what would make her so afraid to tell me. Now I'm starting to get nervous and impatient.

She swallows and closes her eyes for a few seconds before saying, "Well, I woke up this morning and went to the kitchen to grab a glass of orange juice and saw this taped to the refrigerator door." She hands me a piece of notebook paper, that's been folded in half, my name scribbled on the front. "I didn't mean to read it but you know how nosey I can be sometimes. I'm sorry but I'm glad I did after reading what it said."