Without You

Chapter 6

"That wasn't so bad." I smile at Graham as we make our way to his car in our parent's driveway.

"I guess not. I can just feel the awkwardness set in whenever we I come over." He places the foil covered plate that Liz gave us to take home in the backseat and starts the car.

"I know. If it were possible, I could cut the tension in the air with a knife. Everyone one feels it; we just don't like to talk about it." I sit in the passenger seat and buckle my seat belt as Graham backs out of our parent's driveway.

Ever since Graham, Leah, and I all moved out of the house it was Liz's idea that we come over every once in a while, and have dinner as a family. She always makes her home cooked meals that she made when we were growing up and sometimes, just sometimes, I miss living at home. To me, nothing can top her amazing potato salad and that was what I most looked forward to tonight, but as soon as we dug into our plates the awkwardness set in.

Ever since we moved to Texas to live with our dad, Graham had a more difficult transition to our new life than I did. Maybe it was that I was younger than him when our lives changed completely so I wasn't fully aware of what was going on but, this is the way it has always been for the past ten years. My dad and my brother seemingly always at odds.

I do know that my mother's death has left scars on Graham far deeper than my family may even be aware of. Maybe even more than Graham is aware of himself.

"I just don't understand why he has to be like that, Em. He doesn't understand that I want to be an artist and actually make it my career. He thinks it's a joke." His grip tenses around the steering wheel causing his knuckles to turn white.

"Graham, you have to let it go. I've learned to accept the way things are and you have to as well. I know it's really hard but you can't live your whole life with resentment towards him. Liz is amazing but technically dad is the only parent we have left. Don't take life for granted, we of all people should know that."

"I know but, why is it so difficult to talk to him about anything. I can't talk to him about mom because he'll bring up all of the faults that were in their marriage. I can't talk about my friends because he thinks they are all fuck-ups. And like I said, I can't talk to him about my art because he thinks it's a waste of time. I just wish he would talk to me as me, instead of treating me like I'm anyone but his son." He pauses before saying, "He treats you better than me." He says the last sentence with disappointment not accusation.

I shoot him a glare, "He does not. You know that he loves you, he just has a hard way of showing it. You guys butt heads all the time because you are both the exact same. Admit it. That's why I love you both." I turn and smile at him as an attempt to cheer him up. I can barely see his face in the darkness on the highway but I know that I coaxed a hint of a grin.

Graham sighs, "Yeah, whatever. There may be a tiny, tiny bit chance that you're right." He holds up his thumb and index finger demonstrating a one-inch gap. "Can we please change the subject?" He pauses before a sly grin appears on his face. "I saw Jordan the other day and he told me that you met his nephew, Cam. What's he like?"

I'm glad that Graham is focused on the road and can't see my expression when he says Cam's name. My stomach instantly flutters. I tried not to think about him when we were eating dinner but the fact that I wasn't going to see him today left me feeling disappointed.

I turn my eyebrows in confusion, "I didn't know you knew Jordan."

"Yeah, remember Dirty Dave?"

He looks at me waiting to nod before I stick my finger in my mouth, pretending to gag. Dirty Dave was a guy we knew through some friends; I'd only met him one time but I distinctly remember thinking he was crazy. He had really long wavy hair that smelled like he hadn't showered in a month and obsessed over how Robert Plant had the answer to life. He must have that nickname for a reason.