TOLKIEN; imagines

32: Bittersweet - Bilbo

3. "I need you."

4. "But where were you when I needed you."

A/N: Sorry if there are errors, I've had a long day and didn't feel like editing.

Warnings: Reader leaves Bilbo, idk break up maybe??

Words: 1150

It had been over a year since those damned dwarves appeared at our doorstep, looking ragged and depraved, such characteristics that had shone through their appetites on that fateful night. It had been over a year since I woke up, alone in my bed, with nothing as a note from my husband.

"I am going with the dwarves to reclaim their home. I'm going on an adventure," the note had said. Not so much as an 'I love you' or a 'goodbye' despite the thousands of times Bilbo had endlessly muttered, the latter phrase into my ear, smoothing the wild mess of H/C curls that grew in abundance around my face.

I had not even found the note until I had cleaned Bag-end three days later, for it had been carelessly shoved within the cookie jar, one that had been filled with freshly baked delicacies. But sadly, those pastries had been eaten by the burly dwarf, "Dwalin" he had called himself, the one with the strange tattoos and the bulky axes.

And now as all of the Shire hissed and bubbled with gossip of Bilbo, the once respectable hobbit, returning to Bag-end, my blood boiled beneath my skin, at the abandonment and betrayal that had lead to many tear-filled and fearful nights spent worrying about the welfare of the being who I had once loved. There was no love left in me, after the day I had woken up to find my house empty and a mess.

I thought about these things now as I sat in my arm chair, the one that had been set next to Bilbo's, as a pot of tea boiled in the kettle, flames licking on the outside, heating the waters inside.

I used to prefer the sweet and calming tea, but that was before Bilbo left. For the past few months, as the reality of Bilbo leaving me had set in, I had grown to despise those sweet herbs, favoring the verdure of a more bitter taste instead.

The herbs reflect my heart, I thought. For without Bilbo, I grow ever acrid as the days pass.

A sharp knock sounded on the door as I poured the steaming contents into my favorite porcelain tea cup, one that was decorated with horses, the little painted figures prancing along through the verdant green strokes that resembled glass.

I had not gotten many visitors, for the departure of Bilbo had not reflected positively on the lady whom he had left behind. The Sackville Bagginses showed frequently, always pestering and prodding for a bit of Bilbo's possessions, since he was predicted to be return in a sack, nothing more than charred bones left to bury. At first I had told her that Bilbo would return and not to give up on her relative so easily. Not once had Lobelia failed to scoff had huff as she stomped angrily back home. But as time wore on and her persistence grew ever greater, I had resorted to politely telling her to go away, at least, as polite as was possible.

I stood to get the door, floorboards creaking softly underfoot. I turned the spherical handle in the middle of the circular door and pulled, revealing the form of my husband, his fawn locks tangled and longer than I remembered them. He was clad all in dark, ragged dwarvish clothing that was really at least two sizes too large. His patchy bag was strapped to his back and a sword like I had never seen before was tucked neatly inside, nothing but the hilt and an inch or two of the blade visible as it poked slightly out of the top. He looked tired, forlorn and despaired and my heart longed to take him into my arms and comfort him, but those days were over, for Bilbo pushed past me without even a 'hello' or an 'excuse me.' It was if I didn't even know him.

Bilbo plopped his bag in the middle of the entry way as he made his way to one of the many sitting rooms, particularly the one I had been resting in. His figure slumped down as he nestled into his chair, taking my cup of tea as if it was his and took a careful sip.

The steam that poured out of the cup defiantly mirrored my emotions as Bilbo spluttered loudly at the taste and the temperature, which was still blisteringly warm.

"Y/N, is this your tea?" He asked incredulously.

"Yes, and you just so rudely drank from it, without even asking, without even greeting me," I snapped.

"I'm ever so sorry," Bilbo said, melancholy filling his words and I could tell that the sympathy was not directed at me, but some other, foreign affair. "It's been a long journey."

"And an even longer year still, without the one whom I loved, the one who left me alone without saying a single goodbye," I retorted.

"It must have slipped my mind, at the time," Bilbo shrugged arrogantly. "But I am back now, and I still have you. So, I suppose there isn't much to be sad about."

The last part of his sentence was muttered lowly, as if to himself but I still heard and it made me furious.

"No, Bilbo," I snarled. "There is much to be sad about. You left me, alone. Do you know what the betrayal of the one you thought loved you is like?"

"No, I suppose not," Bilbo replied, my tea, fermenting as it cooled into something even more distasteful.

"Well, there's a first for everything, then," I grumbled, as I stormed off to our chambers, eyes watering profusely as happy memories filled my head.

"Wait, Y/N, what do you mean? Are you leaving," Bilbo called after me as he frantically raced after me, eyes pleading as I looked into them, pausing momentarily from my packing.

"Why would you care? You didn't care when you left me," I sneered as tears tore down my cheeks.

"Y/N," Bilbo pleaded as he approached me, taking my face into his callused hands, wiping at the tears that kept pouring from my dull, E/C irises. "Don't leave me, please. I need you."

"But where were you when I needed you?" I sobbed as I ripped my face from his grip, hot torrents beginning to fall from Bilbo's own eyes.

I threw what I needed into my bag, harshly sealing the bulging pack closed as I raced to the door, steps thundering throughout or homely hill.

"Please, Y/N, allow me to apologize. I can't survive without you, my love," Bilbo weeped.

"You should have thought of that before you broke my heart," I murmured, all my emotion pouring out of my lips as I threw open the door and ran into the inky, starless oblivion that was the night, leaving all that I love behind me.