He Knows

6.

"What does the butterfly stand for? Does it mean anything?"

I stayed silent for a while. I played with the hem of my top, my eyes were focused on my hands.

Douwe put his hand over mine, "it's okay if you don't want to talk about it." I shook my head. "It's not that... It's just..." I let out a deep sigh, "It stands for my mother. She passed away three years ago..."

It was now Douwe's turn to stay silent.

"... I'm so sorry."

"It's okay... I mean, of course it's not.. but I've kind of learned to live with it I guess..." I took a sip of my beer.

"How.. Ehm.. Did she die?" I could hear hesitation in his voice.

"You can ask me anything, don't worry.. I will tell you if I'd rather not want to talk about it," I assured him. "She died because of a heart failure... She was only 48..."

Douwe didn't say anything but just scooted a little closer to me and put his arms around me. I rested my head on his chest. We stayed like that for minutes.

I could feel a tear roll down my right cheek. It landed on Douwe's shirt.

"Gosh I had no idea I was crying," I said and laughed a little. I wiped my cheek and then Douwe's shirt with my hand. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't be, you can cry if you want to, I don't mind. We've gotten very comfortable with each other these last few days, Joanne. I feel like I can tell you literally anything and I don't have to be afraid that you will judge me for it. I want you to feel the same..."

"Thanks Douwe... I do feel that way... It's just that I'm not very good at showing what I really feel... So when it happens, it actually suprises me a little..."

"Listen, why don't we just put on a movie, grab all the blankets and pillows in your apartment and have another beer, or something stronger, your choice."

"I don't really have anything strong, but I like the way you think," I smiled.

Douwe clapped his hands together and jumped up from the couch. "Alright, chop chop, you choose a movie, please nothing too cliché," he chuckled. He ran of to my bedroom and came back with basically my entire bed except for the frame. I shook my head and rolled my eyes at him.

I put in a movie, I decided to go with Mr. Bean. Old but gold. I was in the mood for a laugh.

While Douwe reorganized my entire living room I grabbed us another beer. "You have done this before, haven't you?" I asked as I looked at the way he arranged the pillows and everything. He smiled proudly as he sat down in the middle of his creation. I handed him one of the beers and sat down next to him. He gently put a blanket around us and I snuggled up to him. Then I pressed play.

After a while I started getting a little bit bored by the movie and I noticed Douwe was too. Instead of looking at the tv he was looking at me. I smiled at him. "Like what you see?" I asked. It looked like he was zoned out because as I said that he shot up. "Huh? Oh I'm sorry. I've just seen this so many times before." "It's alright, I got a little bored too." I turned off the tv.

I rested my head on his shoulder. "So now what?" I asked and I tilted my head to look at his face.

"I think I should head home," he said. "It's getting pretty late."

"Well you can sleep over here," I suggested.

"I don't have my pajamas and stuff like that with me."

I raised an eyebrow, "are you telling me you wear pajamas to bed? I assumed you were more of a 'just-underwear' person."

He laughed, "I am, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"No it's alright," I assured him. "And since you decided to move my bed, we can just sleep here on the floor."

"Alright, sounds like a plan." He nodded. I stood up, "alright, I'll go get ready and while I do that, you can fix this right here so that it actually looks like something we can sleep in." I said pointing towards the pile of pillows in the middle of the small living room.

I walked into my bathroom, brushed my teeth, combed my hair, the usual routine. I changed into my pj's and walked back to where Douwe had just finished making the bed. "Looking good," I approved. "Thanks, love," he said and struck a pose. "Not you," I shoved him lightly. "You don't think I'm good-looking?" He pretended to be hurt. "I never said that!" I felt heat rising to my cheeks. "Just kidding," he smiled.

He walked off to the bathroom and came back in just his underwear. "You ready to go to bed?" I asked. He nodded. We both got under the sheets. "Good night, Douwe." "Good night, love."

I looked at him, his back was faced towards me. Even though it was quite dark I could see a part of the tattoo on his back. I studied it. It looked like some sort of tribal print. There were large areas that were just black. That must have taken some time, I thought. I wanted to touch it and trace its lines, but I was too afraid to wake him up. Instead I just stared at it until my eyelids got too heavy to keep them open and I drifted off to sleep.

~~

Everybody who is seeing Douwe tonight in Utrecht, have a damn good time!!

x Lisa