The Deal Changer (Book IV)

Chapter Ten - Bleed

                                                                      Chapter Ten

                                                                             Bleed

THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF I EXPERIENCED IN FIVE MINUTES.

The denial was instant. I had put the binder up and shook my head, laughing for no reason as I had. I thought, Matthew couldn't have done this. He isn't this manipulative. But the evidence was in front of me, and so I moved onto the stage of anger. If I wasn't surrounded by people who could have heard me, I'd have cursed Matthew's name with a hundred f-bombs. So when I realized I couldn't kick anything without leaving evidence I had been here or scream without drawing attention, I moved onto bargaining. I will make this better. I will change this and it won't hurt as much. But the bargaining side was impossible because I have nothing to offer myself, so I moved to the fourth stage of depression.

The depression lasted the longest. I sat in the middle of the floor for two minutes in absolutely despair. I couldn't cry. I wouldn't allow it. But rolling in a ball and staring blankly at the binders was acceptable for me. Somehow rolling in a ball helped keep my chest from exploding. The depression stage took a toll on me. I wanted to punch myself for being so, unbelievably stupid. I'm an idiot. I hated myself for being so blind. But the dark thoughts, the ones that told me life was no longer worth it because I have sold my freedom, I told them to go to hell.

I'm not one to flop on the ground and give up on life. It didn't matter my life has shattered or everything I know has been the greatest lie known to man. I don't give up, not even when I have nothing left.

The acceptance stage was powerful. I was launched to my feet when it hit me. It was accepting my situation or accepting this will be my life; in fact, it was the opposite. I accepted the things that happened to me happened to me. Past tense. They won't happen again. With acceptance came something I didn't expected.

Determination.

When anger returned, determination was brought with it; a determination I didn't think I could possessive. Everything else shut down as a fire like no other burned inside of me.

I wasn't going to give up. I wasn't going to throw in the towel. I'm not going to let this go. I'm not going to brush this under the rug and continue this lie. I was going to fight.

I was going to make Matthew bleed.

Revenge wasn't the only thing driving me; justice fueled me. Matthew wasn't about to get away with destroying my life once more. I was going to burn his world to the ground, and I was going to make sure he knew it was me.

Matthew has referred to me as his soulmate, in a way. But I was going to prove him wrong. I was going to be his greatest regret in his entire existence, and I knew how to. Matthew has shown time and time again how much he thrives on power. But what if I take that away?

I knew I couldn't handle this as I had when I learned Matthew had killed David; trying to kill Matthew immediately wouldn't fix things. I had to be strategic and smart about this. In a way, I had to think like Matthew. I wanted his world to crumble below him, and the only way to do it is by taking away everything that keeps him on his throne.

I ripped volume VIII of the red logs off the shelf and looked at the back where I had seen an address. It wasn't one I knew, and I wasn't sure if it was still valid after a year, but it was all I had. I scribbled it down on a piece of paper from Matthew's desk and stuffed it down my shirt.

I had to confront Cedric.

I had so many questions, especially surrounding the night we last saw each other. It was a bloodbath, and I needed to know how he survived it all. If he worked for Matthew, he may have information I have yet to discover. And judging by his contracts, which didn't tell me a lot, Cedric runs Zone 16.