This Charming Life [Tig Trager] [Book Two]

VI. Small Steps

After enduring two days of physcological tests, blood tests and vitamin drips I was finally allowed to return home. A prospect which both delighted and pained me. If my mental state had been anything to go by, I could imagine that my house looked like a bomb site and I was sure that I would spend the rest of the day cleaning. If Alex would let me move anyway. He had been by my side for the last two days, only leaving when I insisted that he went to eat or to sleep, and he had coddled me ridiculously. If I shifted a little on the bed he was by my side instantly asking if I needed anything. And while it was nice to know how much he cared, I was beginning to feel a little annoyed. My emotions had bested me and I had gone through a period of utter darkness but now I was prepared to stand up fighting with my husband beside me, and I didn't want to be wrapped in bubblewrap and guarded like a treasure.

As I sat pondering how life would be different when I left the hospital I absentmindedly ran a hand over my stomach. The new life was growing steadily and I had thanked God that my stupidity hadn't damaged it in any way. I had also vowed to myself and to this new life that from that moment I would be the best mother I could possibly be. I was going to have my own family. Alex was going to earn straight and we were going to raise our child in a good household, I knew Alex would be a doting parent, I had seen him with Jax's boys and Opie's kids, he would be an amazing father. A smile crept across my face as I thought about Alex holding a chubby newborn, tears in his eyes as he welcomed his child into the world.

"What's got you smiling?" His voice penetrated my thoughts and I looked up at the door to see smiling over at me.

"Just thinking about how happy I am that you're here and how much of an amazing father you're going to be"

"Yeah well you're going to be a pretty amazing mother, don't go giving me all the credit" he grinned as he leaned down to place a kiss on my forehead.

Leaving the hospital we walked hand in hand to Alex's truck. That was the only thing he was unhappy about with the pregnancy, I wouldn't be able to ride with him anymore. The car ride home was a comfortable silence, our hands intertwined over the centre console. No words were spoken because none were needed. Pulling up at the curb I spotted several motorcycle's parked in my driveway, along with Gemma's caddy and Tara's cutlass parked on the street.

"She cleaned the damn house didn't she?!" I asked in disbelief causing Alex to chuckle under his breath.

"Of course she did and she took it upon herself to throw you a homecoming party"

"Oh did she really have to" I groaned covering my face with my hands, "I bet they all hate me!"

"They don't hate you baby" Alex sighed, "They understand really" This was something else I was coming up with on a daily basis. I hadn't seen anybody but Alex, Tara and Bobby since the whole event, Tara wanted to keep my stress levels down, and I was sure that they would all hate me for my shocking and selfish behaviour, but Alex and Bobby assured me that they all understood. I don't see how they could understand, especially when I didn't myself. I hadn't forgiven myself for my behaviour, I was trying to make my peace with it but it was difficult. I knew that during a breakdown people had very little control over their own actions, but it didn't make me feel better.

"Can we just drive somewhere, I don't know if I'm up to this" I asked quietly, I could feel nausea creeping up on me, anxiety nibbling away at my mind.

"Look" Alex whispered, holding my chin in his hands so that I would look up at him, "Lets just go in and let Gemma have her thing, say hi to everyone, they've been really worried about you. Give it an hour and I'll ask 'em all to leave, say you're tired"

I nodded slowly and Alex gave me an encouraging smile as I moved out of the truck. He squeezed my hand as I opened the door to let me know I would be okay and I flashed him a small smile before stepping into the house. The first person to greet me was Lyla, telling me how glad she was that I was okay, Opie followed closely pulling me into a bear hug and whispering that he'd kick my ass if I ever frightened him like that again, I had given him an airy chuckle before Chibs made his way to me. Chibs had a way of hugging you that made you feel like you were loved, the man put his heart and soul into every embrace, and this one was no different, he didn't say anything just kissed the side of my head and gave me another squeeze. Gemma and Nero sprang me into a double hug causing a ripple of laughter to break out throughout the room as I quietly thanked Gemma for cleaning the house, her response was the expected 'we're family' speech but I gave her an extra squeeze in thanks. Bobby hugged me and told me he'd made a batch of my favourite cookies, I grinned as I thanked him, Bobby's baking was one of the best things about life in Charming. Juice grinned his huge, childlike grin as he hugged me. Quinn, V-Lin, Phil and Ratboy had also given me hugs, muttering quiet congratulations to me. Jax had scooped me off the floor and spun me in a circle as I giggled, when he put me down he had kissed my forehead and told me it was good to have his sister home.