Amnesia • Calum Hood

•Chapter Two•

I could tell Sadie was nervous by the way her hands tapped restlessly on the wheel.  From my position in the passengers seat, I saw each clench her knuckles gave to the wheel, each flit of her eyes from one spot to another.  She kept opening and closing her mouth, as if she wanted to say something but thought better of it each time.

After nearly five minute of this anxious behavior, and still no word from her, I rolled my eyes and nudged her arm lightly.  "Relax, Sadie, it's not that big of a deal."

She cast me an apprehensive glance, still disbelieving despite my words of comfort.  "I don't know, Joey," she replied skeptically.  "You haven't seen them in two years...I don't know how they'll react to seeing you."

I frowned.  Before I'd left, me and the guys had been closer than ever.  We leaned on each other, cared for each other.  They were my best friends, along with Sadie.  Leaving them was also very hard, but I never considered how much they would hurt afterwards.

I picked at a loose thread on my pants.  "Are they...I don't know, good?"  I felt sick at the thought of ruining their lives, as well as Calum's apparently.  I'd already learned how shaken up my boyfriend was, but what about my other friends?

Sadie shrugged.  "Sure, they were confused and sad, and they've definitely missed you a lot, but they're nowhere near as bad as Calum."

Again, the words sent chills down my spine.  Exactly what had happened to the boy I once loved?  Where had the kind, sweet soul I fell in love with gone?  Had it disappeared forever, or was there still a tiny spark left inside him?

I swallowed roughly and tried to push those dark thoughts out of my head.  Sadie was giving me a sympathetic glance, but I couldn't find the energy to return it.

Her hand was warm on my arm as she rubbed it soothingly, in an attempt to cheer me up.  "It'll be fine, Joey," she vowed, forcing optimism into her voice.  "You left for all the right reasons, surely they'll come to terms with that sooner or later."

I merely nodded, not in the mood to discuss it any longer.  I let my mind drift to the three boys I had left behind, and painful nostalgia flooded through me.

Ashton had a smile like sunshine, that somehow managed to penetrate through the clouds of doubt and sorrow in my mind.  Whenever I was feeling bad, he'd give me his one of a kind grin and I would suddenly feel much better.  He made me laugh countless times, and was always around to cheer me up when I was down.  He could be serious at times as well, but sometimes all I needed was his bubbling joy to bring me back to life.

Next was Michael.  He was the rebel, the free-spirit.  If I ever wanted to do something rash, or dangerous, he'd be right on board with me.  The adventures we'd been on together were insane, some of the best memories I had.  I remember when he took me to get my first tattoo, a small feather right on my ribcage.  Calum had been furious at the sight of the permanent ink, and I thought he'd kill Michael for letting me do it.  But once I convinced him it was alright, Calum went out and got his own feather tattoo, one to match, right on his chest.  Michael was always there to take my mind off things, and understood me in ways some people didn't.

Last was Luke.  He was the quietest of all the boys, but I loved that about him.  He was inquisitive and observant and could practically read my mind.  He was the anchor that kept me tied down to earth, the hands holding me back from floating away.  He was quite funny and humorous once you got to know him, and he often opened up to me a little bit when we were alone.  His friendship was something I valued greatly, and it was a part of my life I desperately needed.

I couldn't even think about Calum.  Just envisioning his beaming smile, warm eyes, and heart-stopping personality caused an ache to blossom out from my chest.  His voice rang throughout my head, whispering familiar words to me as I tried to banish the images.  It hurt too much thinking about all of that being ruined by my actions.  I didn't want to be the cause of his demise, but it appeared I already was.