Amnesia • Calum Hood

•Chapter Twenty-Five•

Luke and I sort of formed a silent agreement not to mention a word of what happened with Calum to any of the others.  Michael asked at dinner if Calum planned on coming by again later, the question very much directed at me.  I just shrugged and took a sip of water to avoid having to answer anything else, sliding my eyes to Luke's as he gave me a knowing look.

On top of not wanting to cause more drama, I also didn't want to think about Calum, plain and simple.  Every word he said was permanently etched into my memory and would not be leaving anytime soon.  Every insult, every stab, everything.  Calum had never looked at me with so much disgust in his eyes, and it still had me reeling.  Never before had I felt so much resentment from him.  Now it seemed every time I saw him this feeling would just get worse.

But I couldn't let him get to me.  This was such a repetitive thought in my mind lately, but I still couldn't do it.  Calum was under my skin, inside my body, in every way possible.  Flushing him out would be harder than ever, but I had to at least try.

What happened with Luke was not helping one bit.  While I still loved him and felt his friendship, now things were just...awkward.  He didn't know what to do around me.  Nice or funny actions would be perceived as flirting.  The cold shoulder or silent treatment would imply anger or disappointment in my rejection to his confession of love.

While I wanted to tell him we were fine, that I wanted to remain friends, I couldn't strike up the courage to do it.  Every time I faced him I felt my whole body freeze up, worried that his heart was still pining after mine even though he told me he was trying to get over it. 

One night, almost a week after Calum's unpredicted entrance, I was sitting on the couch with Sadie watching some reality TV show she had on and heavily judging the people on it.  I'd managed to have little to no interaction with Luke at all, and hadn't heard a breath of news from Calum.  I simply worked, came home, and then avoided people until I could leave again.

It was incredibly lonely.

Luke had just walked into the room, and smiled awkwardly as he grabbed his guitar and quickly left again.  Despite the fact that he wasn't in the room for more than fifteen seconds, I still froze like a deer in headlights.  And Sadie, of course, took notice.

After Luke had receded from view, and I sank back into the couch with a grimace on my face, she immediately muted the TV and faced me, eyes stern.  I didn't have the energy to get into this with her, but I knew it was coming.  The anticipation and curiosity was clear on her face.

"Joey," Sadie began slowly.  "Can you please tell me what that was about?  And why a certain brown haired boy hasn't been seen in nearly a week?"

Blowing out a sigh, I shrugged.  I know I'd vowed to not keep things from Sadie, and make sure I told her everything that was bothering me.  But this was just embarrassing.  Being manipulated by my ex and confronted with the enigma that was Luke, all in the same week, was a new low even for me.  My love life was such a joke recently that I didn't even want to talk about it, let alone share it all with Sadie.

"I don't know," I lied, staring at the carpet in front of me rather than her eyes.  There was some truth to my answer, I guess.  I really didn't know what was happening, or why.

Sadie crossed her arms.  "I thought we agreed on the no lying thing.  Why aren't you being honest?"

Gritting my teeth, I shook my head.  "Because, Sadie, I really just don't know.  I don't know what Calum is thinking, o-or why he comes around one week and disappears the next.  And as for Luke, I don't know what's going on there either."  Somehow my life had gone from dull and boring to confusing and more frustrating than when I'd first come back.  I was thrown from the shallow, lifeless water to the deep end, with little to no warning.