Amnesia • Calum Hood

•Chapter Twenty-Four•

Driving was pretty hard when there were uncontrollable tears spilling down my face.  They blurred my vision and thickened my mind, like I was submerged in a dense fog that was seeping into my body by the second.  My fingers were clamped down so hard on the wheel, I might've dented it.  White skin, pale from lack of blood flow and shock, stretched across my knuckles as I fidgeted in the seat.

I was supposed to be paying attention to street lights, reading signs and acting safely.  Other drivers on the road knew nothing of the turmoil occurring in my red truck.  But everywhere I looked, the sky, the ground, the road, I saw them.

Calum, shining and handsome as ever, winning over a walking boob-job with his charm and humor.

The girl, letting his smile cascade over her and his voice dance around her head, opening her mouth in a sultry laugh as a half-witted, unfunny joke was delivered.

The thought made me sick to my stomach, but even squeezing my eyes shut wouldn't staunch the pain these memories caused me.

It wasn't safe for me to drive.  That was the one sound, reasonable thought that I could conjure up indefinitely.  The little voice in the back of my head, always speaking the truth and telling me what was the realistic thing to do, was still dropping in today, never missing a beat before reminding of something I wasn't paying attention to.

As long as the voice was there, bringing me back down, I knew things would eventually get better.

The street light flashed yellow, and I rolled to a stop before leaning back from the wheel to gather myself.  I would be home soon, and I could just picture the reaction of the others if I walked in a tear-stained mess.  They'd dealt with so much of my shit these past few weeks, and once I'd finally started to improve I was ripped backwards, right where I started.

In the small mirror hanging from the roof, I checked my face.  Red and blotchy, the skin was soaked through with tears from my long episode of crying.  I took a tissue from the compartment and wiped at the smeared makeup, managing to clear most of it before the light turned green and I had to drive again.

I almost didn't want to go home.  As I grew nearer and nearer, my heart grew more and more desperate to get away.  To run.  If I never had to come back here, to this place of haunting nightmares, it would be too soon.  While I switched the engine off and unclicked my seatbelt, I contemplated the idea of doing just that.

Running away.

Calum had hurt me, yet again.  He'd taken a steaming hot knife and stabbed it right into the part of my heart he knew would incinerate the fastest.  There was no way in hell that was a chance encounter.  Maybe he'd guessed I would go to that café, but I knew, deep down, Calum had set out just to hurt me.  He'd found the first pretty girl he stumbled into, and lured them in to aid in his destruction of my trust.

Needless to say, it worked. 

I moved my hand to turn the keys, which would start the car up again.  Places to go were running through my head, considering the options.  Melbourne, maybe.  I'd made a few acquaintances.  Perhaps I'd branch out further, buy a plane ticket to some city far, far away, where even if I tried I wouldn't be able to see this damn town.

It sounded so tempting.

But I couldn't do that to them.  Sadie, Luke, Michael, and Ashton, they didn't deserve this.  No matter how angry I got at Calum, how much he hurt me, I would not leave unannounced again.  I at least owed them an explanation, if I did decide to leave one day.

Forcing myself out of the car, I shouldered my bag and trudged my heavy limbs up the porch and into the house.  There were sounds of activity coming from the living room, and an excited Ashton slid out on the hardwood floors to greet me.