Quest

Chapter 13

I had never actually known anyone that had died. I never knew my grandparents, didn't have any immediate family, and Blair was pretty sterile in terms of people dying. No suicides, drug overdose, even old age. I just didn't really know death or how it works or what it was about.

Mom died quickly. She didn't get to say any last words to anyone but Paul, who held her hand as she coughed her last. It was so quick, just like that. I wondered if she thought she was going to die when she woke up, or if she had any premonition of it happening. Maybe that's what happens at that age, maybe not. I didn't know what to feel.

Paul quietly ordered everyone to stay for the night, and then gathered a few of the other big looking centaurs to begin digging a hole. Warner, Terra and I sat outside the group, silent and with no desire to speak, as the pack went into full mourn mode. The sun set, a fire was made, some berries were eaten, but they seemed rattled, and rightfully so.

Someone, I don't know who, suggested that words be said about, and in no particular order people began speaking up from around the fire.

"Remember when she pulled me out from that rut?"

"Always had the best stories."

"Full of life."

"Loved to laugh."

"It was like she was my mom! And all of our's."

And so on like that. People talked about her helping out, being a light in there life, all normal post-death stuff. There were a few tears, but it didn't really seem like it had sunk in fully. I don't know, maybe that was just me projecting something onto them. I didn't actually know anything about them.

The attention turned to Paul at some point, as if there was some expectation for him to speak. He must have felt it too, because it was clear he was purposely ignoring the attention by looking into the fire, letting the orange light flicker and dance across his face.

"She called me Paul," he said finally with a chuckle. "Of all the names in the world, she called me Paul. And I hated it, absolutely hated it. I think she thought it was funny. That was probably why she did it, but there was more to it. I don't know what, but I think there was." He smiled, letting the memory of his mother shine through.

He was done. He didn't have anything else to say. I don't think he needed to. From what little I knew of his mother, that old mare who had stuck her next out for three dirty kids, I don't think there was much else to say.

The centaurs lowered Mom into the hole they had dug and one by one placed handfuls of soil on top of it. Lola nodded at me, motioning for me join in and I did. I kept my eyes trained on the ground, I didn't want to see Paul or anyone else's disapproving looks. I just wanted to pay tribute to a woman who had impacted me greatly after less than a day.

I found myself thinking of Jill again. I really hoped she had made it out, or at least found out some option that led her to safety. I just hoped it hadn't been my fault. I hoped Mom's death hadn't been my fault either. It was stupid, it hadn't been, but that didn't stop my brain from going there, and going real deep into there.

I felt uncomfortable and unwanted. That those feelings weren't well within my emotional rolodex, but this was a new flavor of it. I leaned into Warner.

"We should go," I whispered to him.

"What?!" he seemed shocked.

"We're strangers, you know? We should just go, let them handle this."

"We're in the middle of nowhere! We have no idea where to go, and have you forgotten the pack of murderers who are chasing after us?"

"I just don't want to be here. Where's Terra?" I looked around and saw her with within a group of the centaurs, sitting around being all sad about the funeral like they'd known each other their whole damn life. I tried to wave or signal her, but it was harder than it looked with the whole somber vibe going off. I tried like four different ways before I gave up.